𝕞𝕠𝕞𝕖𝕟𝕥𝕤 𝕚𝕟 𝕓𝕖𝕥𝕨𝕖𝕖𝕟 || 𝚅𝚒𝚗𝚗𝚒𝚎 𝙷𝚊𝚌𝚔𝚎𝚛

41. 'what about that boy?'

Two weeks later

Vinnie's pov

All the nicotine in my body disappears when I see a message from Lena on my phone.

Want to come over? It reads.

"Everything alright?" Jordan slurs, taking another drag.

"Yeah, yeah." I blurt as I run my fingers on my screen, replying to Lena with a yes. All of a sudden, all the purpose in life I had lost in the past weeks seem to come back. I'd leave right now, but I need to be completely sober before I see her. She'd hate me if she knew I spent the past two weeks either high or sleeping. I try to do my best to get my mind off her, but my mind is always replaying that goddamn episode of the party. Not that smoking makes it stop, but I don't feel nearly as worried and stressed about it when I'm high.

It feels like I've never been as sober as I am now. Lena has a way of calling me back to reality, no matter how far gone I am. I'm never too high to not be aware of Lena. Just like at that goddamn party, when all my consciousness came back to me when I saw her walking up to me. Out of the whole lot of girls I saw that night, Lena was the only one who turned me on and in just a split second. I'm not stupid, I knew she purposely dressed to cloud my judgment, but Lena is smart, she knew I'd still fall for it. I was supposed to be the one who was mad, yet she had me hiding my cigarette, afraid of what she'd do if she saw me smoking. I didn't wait to be sober before I went looking for her. I was done hearing everything my friends thought about Lena's outfit, which left little to the imagination. But I didn't want to have to imagine anything at all. All I could think about as I went up the stairs looking for her was how I wanted my hands on her waist, on her hips, under her tiny skirt and I wanted my handprints stamped on her tits, so everyone would know they will only ever get to look. I could barely remember what reason I had to avoid her for a whole week. She was hot and I wanted her. It turned me on that I knew she dressed just for me. It turned me on that she wanted my attention and, fuck if she knew how to get it. And if only I had left my friends earlier to go find her, I would know what colour her underwear was that day. Instead, now I'm left with the look I saw on her face when I walked into my room.

Because Jack found her before I did. That alone is enough to make me want to kill him. I wish I did worse to Jack's face. I know I already did too much. I knew I was going to do too much when a random guy informed me he saw Lena walking out. If Lena hadn't left, then I wouldn't have done it. And when I threw the first punch, I knew there would be consequences. But as long as Lena wasn't there to see it happen, then I didn't give a fuck. I didn't care if Thomas would want me out because I had already made up my mind I was done living with Jack.

One thing that bothers me, that I hadn't considered, is what Lena thinks about me now. For some reason, I didn't realize she'd obviously find out. Even though I don't regret hitting Jack, I do realize it was partly dumb, given how Lena had just compared me to Aaron. I heard it in her voice that she was disappointed. Not angry or hurt. Just disappointed. I hate myself for letting her think badly of me. I hate myself for reminding her in any way of her ex. I want her to think I'm good enough for her, I want to be good enough for her, not scare her away. I bother she might have decided to believe me, but doesn't want to try to work things out between us anymore.

In the few moments Lena isn't wandering in my mind, I think about getting my own place. I've never wanted to before now and I'd still much rather have someone keeping me company, but I can't stay with Jordan forever. He has roommates and the space is barely enough for them as it is. I wanted to start searching online, but I feel like I have to talk to Lena about it first. I want to get an apartment close enough to her, but she said she needed time, so I don't want to cheat by getting a place too close to hers and invading her space, But at the same time, I have faith she'll come back to me, so I don't want to get a place too far away from her. I need to know what her stand is on all this first.