Static Sound (Muke)

eighteen

// eighteen // luke //

I couldn't do it. Every lyric, every single word that I heard in my head made me want to die. I couldn't leave, I couldn't let Michael get hurt, I couldn't let Calum or Ashton or anyone else get hurt. I was causing all of his pain.

I couldn't take the song. The sound of the guitar, the feeling of the vibration, even the wind blowing through the garage simply made my head go numb and paralysed everything I had.

So I threw down the guitar and left. Without a single word why. I expected Ashton or Michael to come running after me, just to sit down and comfort me, but I didn't want that.

And to my surprise, it was Calum who came after me. I ran into the kitchen and slammed my head against the wall, leaning up against it and ripping out my hair. I hit the wall with my fist and kicked it.

"Hey, hey.." Cal said, coming up behind me and lightly grabbing my shoulder. "Come here," He takes me from behind and and leads me over to the couch to sit down.

My nose was running, my cheeks were hot and my eyes were red, I looked like a mess and I couldn't control myself. My muscles hurt and my heart stopped beating. Calum sat down next to me, rubbing my back with his hand to make me feel better. "Tell me what's happening. I won't tell Ash or Mike if you don't want me to, but I'm not letting either of us get up until you let me know what is going through your head."

I rock back and forth uncomfortable in my seat. If I were any other person, I wouldn't be reacting as I am. I'd take this as an opportunity and run with it- but because I am me, and I have the feelings I do, I'm simply falling to pieces.

"I'm leaving," I finally say, avoiding looking at Calum.

"What do you mean you're leaving?"

"My mum wants me back. She's taking me away from Ashton and forcing me to live with her, and I can't come back." I wipe my face, tears rolling quickly down my face. It's frustrating to breathe, hard to control as I keep huffing and puffing.

"Luke.." He brings me into him, holding me.

"Calum, I-I am going to have to leave the band, I-I am going to leave you and Mikey, and A-Ashton.." I pout.

"Shh.." He calms me down, not saying a word. I don't blame him, it's hard to respond to such a thing.

"I don't wanna leave.." I cry into his chest. "Don't let me leave.."

"Does Michael know?" He asks.

I sit up off of him. "No, I can't tell him, I can't break his heart."

"You're right," Calum agrees. "Michael looks up to you. He would die without you."

Calum had no idea.

"I can tell him for you," He offers.

"No, that'd make it worse." I wipe my nose with my sleeve. "I have to tell him, I just don't know how.."

"I'm sure he'll understand, it's not your choice, you can't do anything to save yourself."

"Me and Ash have tr-tried so hard, we've called Mum everyday so many times t-to try and convince her, b-but she doesn't pick up. She hates h-him, you know. Doesn't want me near h-him again, that's why she's taking me back." I try my hardest to make my words clear, but it's hard because of how much anxiety is built up inside me.

"She can't do that, can she?"

"She can do anything, she's my mum."

He stares off into space for a moment, not knowing what to say. "He's going to be alright, we'll take care of him. 5 Seconds of Summer will forever remain a thing, we'll wait for you."

"I know.." I sob, leaning back in to hug him. "I'm just broken."

---

"Can I talk to Michael?"

I was scared to death. My heart was beating faster than ever. I wasn't sure what he'd say, maybe he'd disown me for not telling him sooner. There was the slightest possible chance he'd be fine, but I was expecting it all to be a big mess. I didn't bring anything with me, not flowers or a treat, I know they wouldn't help at all, possibly fuck things up even more.

"Sure," His mother smiles. "Michael! Luke is here.." She calls.

I could just run away, pretend nothing ever happened. Even better, I could run away and stay there so Ash could never take me to the airport and Mum could never get me, but starving and risking my life wasn't worth it. There was still a part of me that was hanging on to the possibility I'd come back, though it wasn't likely at all.

"Hey Luke,"

"Can I talk to you? Come here," I take his hand, intertwining my fingers with his to walk him to the side of his house, underneath a large oak tree. We stood against the fence, I held both of his hands and stood directly in front of him.

"Luke, what's going on?" He asks.

"I have to leave, Mikey." I say.

"You just got here.." He said, furrowing his eyebrows and looking around.

"No, Luke. I'm leaving. For a very long time." I can already feel my face turn red and the tears nearly coming.

"What?"

"Ashton is taking me to the airport tomorrow, I'm going to live with my mother." I bite my lip. "Year 10 has ended, and I'm starting at a school there after summer."

He shakes his head, slowly tearing up. "Why would you-"

"It's a long story, just let me explain to you what-"

"No, no. Just tell me when you'll be back."

"I don't know."

"You are coming back, right?"

"I don't know."

The two of our hearts fall to the pit of our stomachs. He doesn't let me explain the situation, not even let me tell him exactly where I'm going. He drops my hands.

"So that's it. You're just going to leave."

"No, not like that, you don't get it, let me explain.." He begins walking off and I go to follow him "Mikey-" I yell.

I was so frustrated and covered by the feeling of being so attacked, he wasn't understanding and he wasn't listening, and I knew exactly why, it was exactly what I didn't want to happen. He was panicking.

"Michael!"

He doesn't answer. He just leaves.