Acquiesce

twelve

2007

"You look down, Finley." Kitty mentioned as we finished recording our first song on the album.

"I don't." I shake my head. "Is it Liam?" Kristelle asked. "We can see it from your face it is Liam." Maggie gaped.

I hesitate to even speak up but their eyes were all on me was pressuring.

I sighed, knowing I can't really keep anything from them. They're my best mates.

"It is Liam."I said, grabbing a water bottle. "What did he do? Did he cheat?" Kristelle gasped, "Oh you poor soul."

"Technically he didn't cheat,,,,but.." I bit my lip, I can't even cry my way out since its like i've been dried out crying for days.

My heart still ached as much everytime i think about it, "He has two other kids."

"No.." Maggie's jaw was on the floor. "Well how old? was it recently?" Kitty also begun asking.

I inhaled, "One was from 9 years ago and the other was just a year after the my three were born."

"Oh god bless you, you poor critter."

our heads all turned to our manager who has been eavesdropping. "Sorry." he sighed, "But we need to go continue our recording, we can talk about you and Liam after two more songs."

—

Was it worth it the fact that I degraded myself to even marry a well known fucker like Liam? Bizarre actions and choices and bizarre feelings from a bizarre person like me.

Just the past week I felt so upset, grieving about something I knew would happen sooner or later.

But now i'm just angry. That I was grieving about something that wasn't my fault nor something that was completely obvious.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Maggie asked, handing me a granola bar.

"Am I a jerk?" I asked her, "What? No..." she says, "maybe."

"It's just, you could see it right? That Liam would definitely have a baby with someone else?" I turned to her. "Its Liam." she just shrugged her shoulders.

"Everyone knows but you honestly, Fin."

"Fuck me." I buried my face on my palms. "Am I overreacting?" i mumbled. "i think you're under reacting."

"It's an amazement you guys aren't gonna get divorce however." she took a bit of her granola bar.

"Its a bit too early for that, don't jinx me and his relationship, Mags." I sighed. "I hope we can work it out."

"you know even Noel had doubts you and Liam would stay together for a year, maybe even 3 months. He laughed at Liam when he told him he was gon' marry ya, they had a fight." she mentioned and I laughed a little bit bit. I also did laugh when Liam asked me to marry him, never expected it too soon.

"'ave you seen her ex though, Pansy Kensit? gorg face, basic style, shame."

I looked up to her, "He said she was just a friend?"

She gave me a few blinks, "you can be a bit too naive" she frowned, "What can I do? Mags, he was so charming, of course you'd believe his words."

"Charming? or is he just a good shag."

"fine, he isnt a charmer but he is a good shag yeah, but still." I whined. "Do you even read the magazines?" Maggie laughed. "You know me." I rolled my eyes.

I never read magazines a lot even then, just a copy or two for the whole year. Never looked at the interviews we did and the articles published about me or my band or my albums staying at number one for weeks.