Should I Come Out?

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*Song: No Matter What by Calum Scott

This is not just about coming out as a part of the LGBTQQIAAP community, it's also about coming out to be/to do what you truly desire.

But of course, let's talk about coming out as 'not straight'.

For me, I came out to everyone except my family after the little outbreak in middle school (the one with the girl above my grade if you don't remember).

Family was a delicate subject.

I grew up in a kinda mixed family—my dad's side is super traditional, my mum's less so.

I remember this very strange experience I had with my aunt (my dad's sister).

That was before I realised I was a lesbian, before I stopped being friends with the girl I liked.

I was in the car with my cousins (my aunt's two daughters), and I think I mentioned the 'good friend' I had in school.

Out of the blue, my aunt turned to me and said, 'Be careful, don't be gay one day!'

What?

Since I was convinced that I wasn't gay, I gave her a confused look and replied, 'O...okay?'

Now looking back, my aunt had a very great gaydar because she said it to one of her daughters as well who turns out to be just as much as a closeted gay as I was.

Oh I love telling this story so much. So ridiculous and hilarious at the same time.

Oh, so yeah, 'gay genes' are 100% real. Google that. There are actual researches on that.

Therefore, be brave and tell them (when you're ready of course), that 'being gay isn't a fucking choice'.

Just like the hair colour, the eyes colour, or the skin colour.

We're all just human. Embrace that.

So, fast forward to the point I finally told my mum (my dad is another matter).

I was 20, just eating my breakfast on a typical Wednesday, suddenly felt the urge to come out to my mum who was sitting in the living room alone.

Somehow, I felt this strange serenity.

Before then, I always thought I'd come out to my family when I found 'the one' (again) and was ready to settle down.

Basically what I meant was I'd drop the bomb when I was already getting married, and it wouldn't matter if it went well or not because I'd have my own family and possibly was already financially stable.

Don't get me wrong, I still think it's a good idea, especially when your family is very homophobic.

Anyway, I started with a question for my mum.

'Mum, what do you think is most important in life?'

Knowing my mum so well, I know she'd say, 'Having good health and happiness.' And she did.

'So...what if I say I like girls?' I could hear my voice trembling.

Thank god she didn't hesitate, she said, 'Oh, nothing. It's great! So you don't have to endure those guys...' ...went on to trash my brother and my dad.

I know I was fortunate, and I'm so grateful.

But yeah, with my semi-traditional dad (he became less traditional over time), I only had an open conversation with him two years later when I was in a stable relationship.

But it wasn't being in a relationship that gave me the strength.

I was simply sick of beating around the bushes with him all the goddamn time.

So I confronted him, 'Why can't you see that I am only into girls? What's your problem with it?'

He looked a bit surprised, but he answered with his usual calmness, 'I don't have a problem with it. It's your lifestyle choice. As long as you're happy.'

So I got his acceptance as well.

I was ready for a battle, but he didn't try to fight me.

I was so shocked that I didn't correct him that it wasn't a 'choice'.

Well, that doesn't matter that much as long as I am finally 'out-out'.

HOWEVER, I couldn't stress enough, coming out isn't a must.

And you shouldn't come out for anyone other than yourself.

Do it at your own pace.

It might not be as scary as you may think, yet it also could be worse.

A suggestion is, expect the worst, but always remember, if your family truly loves you, no matter how badly they react in the first place, they will come around.

Because losing you as a family is a million times worse than you being gay.

This applies to people who want to go after their dream job or live in their dream place.

If you feel like it's your truth, go for it.

I always believe if people are meant to stay in your life, they will.

You're your own beautiful being, and whoever can't recognise that can fuck off.

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