'Date, Me.'

How to break up?

*Song: The Other by Lauv

Here comes the scariest bit in every relationship.

I mean, you should feel scared, anxious, guilty, sad...all or some of these if you are not a douche bag.

This is a perfectly normal stage in a relationship.

People fall apart, no biggies.

...as long as you are not the one initiating it.

I don't think being dumped is worse than dumping people. It's a 'before' or 'after' thing.

For me, I feel like dumping people is more suffering than being dumped, and trust me, I've been through both.

If you're dumpling people, let's assume you're a decent person, you will be constantly thinking about what to say and trying to act normal in front of your lover aka the person you're about to dump because you are not ready to say the words.

It's going to eat you alive, inside and out.

So yeah, the victim of your dumping might say you have time to 'prepare' for the breakup, so you actually don't feel as sad.

But, that's not true.

You'd want to laugh in their face because you've been sleep-deprived for days or weeks because you were overthinking what's the best way to let them down and their reaction.

But, let me save you some headaches and nightmares.

You can be decent and direct.

Dragging the relationship on and procrastinating on what to say is only going to cause more suffering on both ends.

I pulled this stupid stunt off twice.

In my defence, I did not realise I did it again after it was already done.

The first time I did it, I started it with a very dumb question.

I asked her, 'What would you do if we ever break up?'

Warning, if someone ever says this to you, or says things like 'deal breakers', it means they are having second thoughts.

So, my girlfriend at that time didn't react well, obviously. And I was shocked by her reaction.

I was like, 'Shit, if she's reacting this hysterically to this simple question, what will she do when I break up with her?'

So...I procrastinated for a month and slowly distanced myself from her (the shittiest thing I've ever done).

Ha, so when I finally perfected my very long sandwich-style (nice things about her/breakup/best wishes for her) letter and sent it to her (yes, another shitty thing to do...NEVER break up with people over a text), she wasn't surprised.

She was anticipating it, so there wasn't any yelling or 'why'. Just, 'Okay.'

If I were her, I'd give me two painful slaps for making me suffer for a month just for a fucking text.

Then...two days later I received the birthday gift she sent two weeks ago (we were in a long-distance relationship).

And that made me feel so guilty that I swore I wouldn't repeat that mistake.

But, I bloody did.

By the time I felt like I couldn't have a future with my next ex, I thought I wasn't doing it, but I was.

I simply changed the question.

I asked her, 'Say, what if when I'm abroad, you fall in love or I fall in love with someone else?'

She was quite cool, she replied, 'If we truly have feelings for that person, we will tell each other, and we can talk about it to see what to do.'

She reacted so well that I didn't think I was testing the water for the grand finale.

I had this selfish idea that we could just enjoy each other's company before I flew away. I didn't, or I refused to, acknowledge that I was withdrawing my energy from her already.

I was focusing on my work, my novels, and I neglected her.

Eventually, she broke it off with me, but it wasn't because she wanted to, it was because she had to.

I hate to say this, I was heartbroken yet relieved.

I don't regret the breakup, but I regret how I handled the situation.

I was passive-aggressive, I left her with no choice but to cut it off with me.

...

So, if you really want to break up with someone, don't procrastinate like me, or like the song (above).

Even if you still love them as a person, as soon as you don't feel that 'romantic love' towards them, send a text, not to break up, but to ask if they can talk in person or on the phone.

In-person is of course preferable because well, you at least owe them the decency to show your guilty face and buy them a cup of coffee—but beware of the hotness of the drink if your partner is more aggressive and likely to throw it at you.

But seriously, a heads-up is nice. They'd know the jig is up when you say 'I think we need to talk'.

It'd give them some time to be mentally prepared.

Of course, it wouldn't make the breakup any less devastating or hurting, at the very least, it wouldn't hit them all at once, and it showed that you cared enough to do it properly.

Oh and I must praise my two exes—they both stay friends with me even I did the horrible breakup act. They are both wonderful people, I couldn't be more thankful.

But, in my opinion, don't stay friends with someone who breaks up with you over text or procrastinates for a breakup speech...unless you are sure they're nice people who just do stupid things from time to time.

Like me.