'Date, Me.'

Do you want to, be together?

*Song: The Way I Am by Gavin Haley, Ella Vos

'Do you want to be my girlfriend?'

To be honest, I have never asked this question like this.

I am more of a love-note romantic.

I made a ring—yes purely handmade—with a note that wrote:

'Enchanted, I touch her warmth and ask the flame, "will you be mine?"'

(This is an echo to the note I gave her when I wanted to know her but was too shy.)

So that was it. We were officially together.

And now we're not. Hah, life.

But, what does it mean to 'be with someone'?

Does that mean you spend more time together? Doing everything together? Calling each other 'baby'? Or match-dressing?

Well, it didn't change anything for me.

I was U-hauling back then.

It means soon after I got to know her, I fell madly in love with her, committed myself to her too soon and too fast when we weren't even 'together'.

There's no problem with moving too fast as long as you can keep it going.

Yet, in most cases, you burn out as fast as you dive in.

For her, being official with me meant a fresh start. She felt all the 'sparkles' that you'd have when you are in your honeymoon phase.

For me, this was just running a procedure, something that tied me down.

Yep, at that point, I was falling out of love.

But we're not there yet.

The definition of 'being together' equalled 'being in love' for me back then.

When I was in love, I did everything I could to woo the person because, in my head, I was already envisioning us being together.

I wanted to win her heart, so bad.

I wanted it so much that I never thought about what came after winning.

Like in every romance, the story ends when the main characters are finally together.

Then what?

How do you keep the heart after you won it over?

Most of the time, when you start questioning this, it means the relationship is starting to tremble or fall apart.

You might think, 'why didn't I learn about building a relationship beforehand?'

Well, to be fair, you are usually in the honeymoon phase when you get together, so naturally, you'd feel like you can conquer anything in the relationship—even her fart would smell like perfume.

Only after that butterflies in your stomach settle down a bit, and you've gotten to know the person even better, you would realise that she doesn't shit rainbow.

Come on she's not a unicorn.

I was almost convinced I was going to marry her.

Yet, small things about her started surfacing, like personality-wise, I felt like she was too weak, too soft, too stubborn...

Before being with her, I believed I was like a super sponge—I can absorb anything, I can accept anything about her because I love her.

But, love isn't built on 'taking everything she's offering without considering myself'.

And I definitely overestimated my ability to 'absorb'.

It came down to a point where I realised I was actually 'enduring' her.

And that's how the conflicts started to happen. Little quarrels turned into big fights.

Or it could be something even worse—the silent treatment.

Trust me, this is way worse because when you can't even bother communicating—you might as well put a RIP stone on the relationship.

Communication. Communication. Communication.

It sounds really effortless, doesn't it?

And it can feel very natural and effortless at the beginning of the romance.

It'd feel like you can never run out of things to say to your partner, and you feel the most comfortable when you're with them.

Remember, those are the good times.

There's definitely going to be a point where you feel down or they feel down, and you feel this weird tension between the two of you.

That's where communication is needed the most, but the hardest to do.

As much as you are afraid to say the wrong thing, just know that, as long as you're being honest and gentle, nothing you say can hurt them more than you staying quiet and doing nothing.

Also, after a heated or very calm discussion, you might have to compromise on things.

Circling back to where I said I was 'enduring' my partner's behaviours.

It was at that specific enlightening moment, I started to think about what qualities I truly want in a person.

It's not just about finding a person that I love and loves me.

It's not about finding 'the one'.

It's about finding the 'right' one. A person who shares the same core values, with the qualities/characteristics that I desire, such as being emotionally available and strong (a quality for a solid foundation of a relationship), physically confident and attractive, sexually dominant and passionate...

Of course, it's hard to find a person that ticks all the boxes.

For me, 80% will do.

The rest 20% is compromising. (Uh but definitely not the sexual part.)

Compromising doesn't mean you have to accept the things you hate about the person—you shouldn't be with the person in the first place if you find something you truly hate in them—it means to come to a middle ground when you and your partner disagree.

If you're a straight couple, the most obvious example would be leaving the toilet seat up or down.

Or for any couple, if you should leave a pair of handcuffs on the bed frame or not.

From small daily things as how you arrange your wardrobe to big life decisions as buying a car or moving to another city, it all requires communication, and sometimes, compromise.

After all that intensity from chemistry and physical passion fades (not definitely but most likely), what's left between would be the subtle affection and mutual understanding, which creates a sense of security and love.

As long as the two of you are willing to communicate and work things through, I believe it can last for as long as you wish.

And this is something I wish I knew before it was too late.

I always honour honesty, but honesty was no use when I stopped communicating with her by the end of our relationship.

She felt something was wrong, but she didn't talk to me about it either.

So, we missed our shot.

So yeah, even when you can read energy, telepathy doesn't always work—just talk for god's sake.