'Date, Me.'

Friends to Lovers?

*Song: Lucky by Jason Mraz

I didn't believe a relationship could grow from very platonic (zero attraction) to romantic until I fell into a short-lived relationship with a girl I had known for a year.

The reason we got together was mostly circumstantial—we were in the same dance group. The chemistry built up fast in that very small social group that we spent almost every night in.

I didn't think too much when I decided to enter a relationship with her because we were friends for so long—what could possibly go wrong?

Well, first of all, she just ended a long-term relationship with a guy a week ago; second of all, she hadn't been with a girl before; third, we were both immature as hell.

That's basically why it only took me a month to call it off. Then, I lost a friend.

That's why I've always been quite wary of this 'friends becoming lovers' dynamic.

I've seen my friends having very successful and long-term relationships with friends who later became lovers, but it never really worked for me.

I was always the 'love at very first sight' type. I thought it was just the way that I am, so I never took it too seriously whenever I dived in and got hurt.

But, when I expressed my frustration with my love life, my friend said something that I thought was really wise.

She said, 'You go for what's familiar to you because you know what to expect.'

And by 'what's familiar', she meant the 'uncertainty and the chase I had with all my crushes'.

Long story short, I found 'emotional unavailability' attractive.

'Stability and always showing up' was boring to me even though I wanted it in relationships.

It's totally self-sabotaging, but I couldn't help it. Even with full awareness now, I still find it hard to resist those oh-so-unavailable-but-oh-so-hot women.

This might be a life long lesson, but we have to keep trying, no?

Anyway, going back to friends-becoming-lovers topic.

I felt something for another friend years later.

Again, I felt an instant connection with this friend the moment we met, not only because of the very odd circumstances—I was at a party hosted by the girl I was dating at the time, and I almost didn't go because she was a bit distant—but also how she introduced herself to me a moment after I thought 'I want to know her'.

Nothing happened though. I was still having my fun with my date, kissing and intoxicated.

But me and this woman I met at the party became friends. Things between us escalated very fast—we found many common interests and made plans to visit different places.

Things soon ended between me and the one I was dating at that time as it was more like a fling. And months later, I told this new friend that I found her emotionally and physically attractive.

Although she didn't feel the same, I actually felt okay.

In the process of getting more familiar with each other, I realised I didn't think too much about the romantic side of things like I did with the initial stage of all my past relationships.

I was just there, enjoying the time she and I spent together.

Therefore, when she told me she didn't feel romantically interested in me, I wasn't truly bothered.

Disappointed? Definitely.

I could feel my heart ache the moment she said it. However, it didn't last for more than 10 minutes because I knew it was only my ego's insecurity about rejection.

And I was relieved. I didn't realise until that moment, that I was subconsciously holding my breath, expecting myself to act well around her because of the potential romantic development.

Cutting off the possibility for a relationship actually liberated me from the cage I created myself.

This is also the moment I learnt, that the foundation of a strong relationship is a solid friendship.

Your lover should also be your best friend, your partner in crime—someone you can talk openly with without feeling judged or scared of losing them, because you know, they love you as a person before you're romantically involved, and you them.

It's a big part of the reason why I quit dating apps because dating apps make the agenda way too obvious.

Personally, as much as I wanted to 'be myself' when I was chatting with someone from those dating apps, I couldn't help but trying to impress them and hide my insecurities. But, by doing so, my insecurities about myself only came out stronger afterwards and ruined everything.

So, yes, now I lean more towards the 'friends become lovers' dynamic than the insane attraction at first sight.

Of course, I still crave the instant connection, yet I wouldn't want to see it in a romantic light before I get to know the person a lot better.

And in this way, I can ensure that I am my truest self in front of the person and that I like them for who they truly are, not who they might be through the rosy glasses.

I rather be with someone who I can be good friends with than someone who I only approach for a possible romance.

What do you think?