'Date, Me.'

I am choosing myself this time.

*Song: Dear No One by Tori Kelly

After all the dating talks, I realised I forgot the most important one—self-love.

'Love yourself first' is a cliché, yet it's the brutal truth.

You can't give what you don't have.

I was so preoccupied with the vacancy besides me, that I didn't see the actual vacancy inside me.

Stripping away all the external learning, the most important lesson is cultivating a relationship with myself.

How the hell do I do that?

Well, I had no idea. I started with examining all my past relationships, not just with lovers, but with friends and family.

And it led me here.

I don't think there's an universal answer to how building a relationship with ourselves should be done.

But, I do think it all involves getting to know ourselves better.

Like the title of this...book—feels like just me rambling hah—Date Me.

What would you do when you're dating someone?

That's right, you ask questions. You're curious about the other person, you want to know their past, what they love doing now, their future dreams...

I followed a guideline for asking myself questions. Check it out if interested (link in comment section).

That's where I started going into inner child healing. Don't worry, it's not some cult shit, it's a psychological way to improve mental health.

Anyway, I got very into understanding myself, from ethnicities to personality traits to astrological birth chart. I realised the more I looked into it, the less I knew.

Human is indeed a very complex being.

You might ask, 'Isn't it a bit too narcissistic to focus so much on myself?'

Well, from what I learnt, being narcissistic means that you want others to see and compliment you (eg. Posting a hundred selfies in a day on Instagram or asking your friends to take a thousand pics of you when going out).

On the other hand, self-love is subtle. You love and admire yourself without the need for validations from anyone else.

Of course, it doesn't mean you feel awesome every day. Everyone has their down times.

However, self-love means showing up for yourself and forgive yourself.

Accept the fact that you feel low and sad at this moment. Sit with it. Then let it go.

I found talking out loud to myself helps.

Those self affirmations sound different and more effective when you speak them aloud. No jokes.

I remember the other day, I accidentally blocked a lady at the petro station and I had no idea how to use that machine (I didn't know those petro machines from different companies function differently).

I was really frustrated and decided to give up and go because I didn't want to keep the lady waiting.

To my surprise, that lady came out of her car and taught me how to use the machine. I thought she must've been upset because I totally cut her way out, but she was patient with me, which made me feel very grateful yet guilty at the same time.

I kept replaying the whole situation in my head and blaming myself on my way home.

Although I knew people make mistakes, and I shouldn't be so hard on myself since the lady clearly wasn't angry, I couldn't shake the guilt.

I growled at myself every time I thought of it even after I got home.

All noises only stopped after I say aloud, 'I am grateful for your help and so so sorry for blocking your way, lady. Sending you so much light.'

It might be the vibration of my voice, I immediately felt the weight lifted from my chest. It's weird, I've repeated the same words in my mind dozens times before, but they didn't work.

So yeah, be kinder towards yourself. Give yourself a way out.

Only you can give yourself the forgiveness that truly matters.

I didn't have too much to say because I know I can only say so much.

Self-love is easier said than done. All I'm doing is giving you an invitation.

I am still on the self-love journey, and I will always be.

I look forward to having you joining me.