Love me, London

fifty

It was at the garden of the mansion where I found myself most at peace. Quite and alone. With my only companions being the plants and the trees, I could really use some time in private and in silence amidst the noisy crowd inside.

My dress was making it impossible to breath. Either that or I was experiencing another episode of a panic attack.

"How far along are you?"

As I slowly turned around, my eyebrows drew down in confusion. I didn't expect anyone to be out here, especially a few minute right before the party started.

When I didn't answer to the old lady but rather staring into her kind face blankly, she lightly smiled at me.

"There aren't many reasons as to why a lady would wander around with her hand constantly rubbing on her belly, is there?"

Recalling her question from earlier, I responded.

"Not for long." I answered, forcing a smile on my face. She was looking at me with such adoration that it could be count as rude to not return the same gesture.

"For a young, beautiful, pregnant lady, you sure look...in distress." She quoted and I found myself letting out a soft chuckle. It's true. I was in distress.

"Is there something wrong?"

Her inquiry caught me off guard. But I just shook my head in response, afraid to even say anything. After all these times, I had learnt it the hard way not to trust too many people too easily and speak so bluntly to any strangers.

"Close-minded husband? Problems with in-laws?" She didn't buy my silence as she kept on guessing. All in while, I couldn't help but smile. It seemed to be the only appropriate way to respond.

I didn't think it was anything abysmal. When I was younger, I used to volunteer at a special needs patient care facility, one such as a nursing home. So, I kind of understood the desperation that an older individual tended to experience the more socially isolated they became. She was only trying to make a conversation and what started out as pure good intention could never end so badly.

"My darling, you can tell me anything." She urged, adding a playful wink and smirk as she continued to persuade me to speak up, "It's not like we've known each other forever. I am nobody to judge you. Neither I am capable."

She grinned while looking at me reassuringly.

Words were at the tip of my tongue. I tore my glance away from her for one second to glance at the view before I made up my mind.

"All of that, yes. I am afraid." I admitted,

Through the fixity of her intense staring, I looked down, feeling embarrassed yet again as her keen eyes doubled their regular size. I could feel my flesh burning red with shame, but as slowly and as naturally as it could get, our conversation proceeded with ease.

"Poor child." Her eyes dropped to my belly, sympathetically and they glowed with sorrow when the topic of divorce was being brought up. She asked me how long have I been with my husband and I couldn't bring myself to lie to her. Sooner or later, people were going to find out. My ex-husband was no nobody.

"But at least, I know by just looking at you that God had chosen to give you the most gorgeous baby the world had ever seen." She noted.

"Oh, ma'am. You're too kind."

"Indeed, my love." She smiled. Her eyes shined with loving pride, "I mean look at you. You're absolutely gorgeous."

Then, she gave me a reassuring glance.