Arykaiz

Wake up to reality

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"Such a disappointment! I shouldn't have even raised you!" She said taking her luggage down the stairs not even looking at me.

"No please, don't go!" I said with tears rolling down my cheeks sobbing.

"I should have been gone ages ago!" She yelled turning around to face me. Just then I heard my father unlocking the front door and coming in. When he saw the mess in the house he froze.

"What is going on here!" He yelled at her and looked a second at me before returning his eyes on her waiting for answers.

"What it looks like?! I'm leaving!" She said before going past my dad and out the door.

"Milie! What do you think you're doing?! Where are you going?!" My father turned around and grabbed her arm. She shoved him off and cursed.

"What the fuck Alistair! I am leaving you and that little thing! I don't want to see you again!" After that I just saw a red car pull in front of the house and she hopped in not looking back.

••••••••••••

"NOO!! COME BACK!" I screamed from the top of my lungs and jumped out of bed. I fell on the floor instantly when I landed on my feet. A few steps were heard and then the door opened. I was still trying to adjust my blurry vision and didn't know who entered. The person came and helped me get back on the bed. My father...

"Hey green eyes. How are you? Are you feeling any pain?" He said rubbing my arm slowly. My vision became normal and I could now see my father. He has big circles under his eyes. How long have I been here?

"Why are we in a hospital?" I asked, my voice shaking.

"Umm don't you want to eat first and I'll go get the doctor to check you." He said and left the side of my bed to go and leave the room.

"But dad-"

"The doctor will tell you." And he left.
I remember something from last night I hope. I don't even wanna think I've been here more than a day. I just have some flashbacks but nothing clear. It's normal. I never remember everything when I pass out. My thinking was interrupted by the doctor that came in followed by a nurse and lastly my father and uncle Julien.

"Hello Ziakyra! How are you feeling? I flinched as the doctor called me by my full name and hopefully my father noticed and he told the doctor to call me Zi and the doctor nodded. He looked back at me and told me to execute some moves and answer some questions. After the nurse done some blood tests on me she left and the doctor came closer to me, so did my father.

"So Zi, you had a panic attack last night resulted from stress and a mental breakdown. So let's talk about what caused you to go in that state." The doctor said looking through some papers he has in hand.

I just don't want to be here. I don't even need to be here. I can control myself, last night was just an accident and I lost control. Simple. I just need a good rest and I'll be as good as new.

"I heard you've been to some psychologists in the last 3 or 4 years. What was their diagnostic?" He said looking up from his papers. I looked over at my father and see him and my uncle tense up. They new this is a sensitive subject for me but they also new I need to tell the man in front of me what problems I have.

I put a hand on my forehead and looked down. I took a deep breath and with the other hand I grabbed the bedsheets and squeezed tightly.

"Depression. Trauma. Depressive anxiety resulting in panic attacks. Too much stress but not PTSD."

I sighted and didn't looked back up. I just closed my eyes and tried to keep my calm. I started to shiver but not because of the coldness in the room, but because now I have no defense and I am an open book to the man in front of me called doctor.

"It got worst or better in the last 4 years of going to psychologists?" He asked looking down at his papers.

"Nothing changed." I said blankly already stressed out by this whole conversation but of course I was trying to not show it.

The doctor noted something on one of his papers and finally spoke giving my father a glance.

"So if you haven't gotten better that's not a good thing and thinking about the panic attack you had last night that was so strong you had to pass out I think you need a lot of special treatment."

I looked at my father and he just looked worried. I know he tried a lot of things to make me feel better but that's how life is. Others have worst things than I have.

"I want to suggest you something. Looking through the reports of the psychologists that Zi went to, they all said that she is not socializing enough and that she has a little fear of it. So I recommend to not let her alone for too much. A member of the family, a friend, a family friend, boyfriend to be with her even at school not just at home. And all of them to know what to do if she has a panic attack or worse. That way she will not feel lonely or zone out too much or even panic." The doctor finished his "explanation" that I wasn't too pleased to hear. My dad will never agree to this, I am completely sure.

"Of course sir!" SAY WHAT?!

"We will definitely do that!" My unele said after my father. You Julien are not in your right mind!!!

I just looked at my father and uncle like I am looking at a duck analyzing an orange. Like what is this?!

The doctor said goodbye and left leaving me with the two devils.

"Did you just agreed?!" I said raising an eyebrow.

"Of course we did. This is for your own good." My father said coming to my bed and sat down.

"But why?" I said whining and curled up in a ball.

"Zi we tried everything and you just can't let go of your past and traumas and move on. Please just try. You never like the help I was trying to give you so please just accept this one." He said looking at me with loving but sad eyes. He's right, I never wanted to see a psychologist or meditate or even doing activities. I always wanted to be left alone and sleep or looking through Netflix. He gave his best in trying to make me better but I was just scared and didn't have the motivation, not like I have it now. I just don't want help from others when I know I can make myself alone feel better. I just need time.

"Ary please say something."

I shook my head and the nurse came in to say I can go home. I just put on the clothes my father gave me and leaving the hospital with him and Julien to go home.

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~I'm afraid I'll get hurt if I give my heart to someone ~