Arykaiz

Emotions

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Soon my breathing slowed down and I calmed myself a little. I didn't notice the teacher had finished the lesson and got out the classroom. The students were also living for the next lesson.

He took his hand off of mine and I felt the coldness without it. His hands are so warm. He took off his hoodie and I looked away asking myself what the fuck is he thinking. After a while I turned and saw him in a shirt and in his hand he was holding his hoodie giving it to me. Thank god he was wearing a shirt underneath it.

"Wear it. People won't see your tears with the hood on and if you are just in a shirt you'll catch a cold." He said and got up and shoved his bag on his shoulder.

I stared at the hoodie for a couple of seconds before putting it on. I put the hood on too and enjoyed the warmth it gave me.
I don't know if he know how much I love hoodies, it makes me feel protected and it calms me down knowing that I have a hood on.

"Get up." He said and waited for me to put my books in the bag.

He walked out of the classroom, me following behind him holding back tears. It's just too much, too many emotions.

We walked past a lot of students heading to the back of the school. Fresh air hit my face and I took a deep breath enjoying the air that I couldn't have in the classroom. I looked around and let out a relieved sight when I saw no one is here except us.

Why have I reacted like that? I told myself. I barely have a panic attack when someone I know is next to me and let's categorize him as someone I know.

His words made me confused. Am I that alone? I never thought about myself being a lonely person, I enjoy to be alone, but being lonely..... I never really thought about this. Maybe I just needed someone to tell me that I am not alone in this or was because I was having a panic attack, but the way he is calming me, the way he touches me that makes my skin burn, the way he looks in my eyes whispering 'it's ok' and how his hand is holding mine...

Why is he helping me? In a world full of ignorant and bad people he is the one that is maybe giving a fuck about me. What if I try this time to let someone in... will I end up hurt? Yes. Will I never trust anyone again? Of course. Will I isolate myself from the world? Absolutely.
I'll at least try and trust him. Let's see the best thing here, It will even be better for my panic attacks to have someone help me with my problems. I think that's a good idea.

I put my hand on my chest to feel my heartbeat. Unfortunately my heart is still beating too fast.
Don't panic. Stay calm. Focus on something, anything.

My eyes feel so heavy and my mind is going blanc, I can't feel my legs...

"Woah, hey, hey, hey!"

Warm and big hands wrapped around my body before falling on the ground. He held me up and tried to get me on my feet, but with no use. All I can hear after my fall were just faint words. My eyelids feel so heavy, I just want to let them close my eyes but I know better that if I do this I'll go into that eternal darkness. I know better that I can't close my eyes. I just need to stay awake.

"Ary!"

I can't hold my eyes open. I can't even feel my body anymore. I can see black around my vision.

"Ary! Stay with me. Don't close your eyes."

My vision is covered in black, my hearing is gone, now I can't stay awake. I fainted too many times and I memorized this steps. If my vision becomes black then I can't stay awake any longer and soon my mind will leave me too. When I faint I can't even think or see, it's like when your die, if it's true that your soul is leaving your body when you die then when you faint it's like your a dead body, without a soul, just in a black abyss.

••••••••••••••

I woke up without opening my eyes. I tried to move my body but couldn't. I can feel sheets underneath me. The smell of pills and spirit infected my sensible nostrils and my eyes opened.

Am I in a hospital?

I got up almost jumping from the bed I was laying on a moment ago. My heart was beating faster than usual but I am already used to it.

I hear steps from behind and someone's body so close to me. The heat that it's coming from this person behind me made me have goosebumps. Big arms appeared from behind and wrapped around me pulling me closer to their chest. The person buried his face in the crook of my neck and inhaled deeply. I let my body fall in his embrace already knowing his touch.

He stayed here until I woke up.

"Don't you ever do that again."  He said and turned me around to face him. Tears fell down my cheeks and him being here with me made me so relieved. He wiped my tears with his hand and the other caressed my cheek with his thumb.

The door of the room opened and a nurse came in. He took a few steps back and let the nurse approach me. I looked around analyzing and I realized I am still at school. The woman listened with a stethoscope my heart beats and gave me a pill which I hesitated to take.

"Are you hurting somewhere?" She asked and wrote down something on a notebook. I just shook my head and left the room fast. I hate hospitals and everything that has to do with them. I waited for him to get out of the room as well, I want to ask him a million questions but he left as soon as he got out of the room just mumbling a 'I have to go' and left. He left me my bag and 'vanished'.

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empathy:
the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.