Fourtris fanfiction - Our story

12. 'Lung problems of smoker'

Tris 

I remember what I used to be when I changed. All happened by one night when I decided to attend to my brothers friends house party. There I drank at the first time ever. At the time I was thirteen year old. I knew that those parties would ruin my life but I did not know that how badly my life would change. 

Yeah, you may think now that why the hell I thirteen year old girl was middle of those sixteen year old high school students? At the first that was end of the March so it almost was my 14th birthday. At this night we did have large dispute at home and I just wanted to be that cool teenager girl who leave the house with banging door. Then I was at outside and called to one of my former friends. 

She said that there were the party at the near of neighborhood so I walked there. The large gang of high school students were smoking at the near of the door. I just spontaneously asked to have one cigarette and that how smoking started. Mom did never solved out [don't know why because that shit does smell so disgusting]. 

Those parties were at every Friday, for mom I always said that I be sleepovers at Susan's house. She believed it every time, never was suspicious, but once I drank too much and used drugs. I needed to go to the ER. For mom I just simply said that I got an food poisoning from pizza we ate at Susan's. 

I don't use drugs anymore, they are too dangerous, that one day showed the horrible truth of the day that is normal for the drug users. I did not want to have the same experience anymore. Some of those person still are my friends, but they are more close the age of Tobias. So he found out the whole thing. Stupid At once year ago he said that I need to stop acting like that or he will tell this whole mess for my mother! 

Now he is eighteen year old and I am sixteen, the age that those students were three year ago. Holy crap his birthday was two weeks ago and I did not even get the present for my boyfriend. What kind of girlfriend behaves like that?? He does not like birthdays, but normally we have watched movie or something. And mother has baked one of those super delicious cakes for him. At this year I messed up everything, like usual... 

Mom is really disappointed, she has multiple times asked that why I made this decision, why I did not asked any help. But I do hate those mental health workers, therapists and psychologists. They never say right things. Just make me feel more bad [if that is even possible]. 

At here hospital we do have couple of mental health workers who do speak for us but I do not find speaking with them to be any helpful. I just want to go back to home. Get rid of this fucking nasal cannula and multiple IV:s that are stuck to my veins. 

I hated what I have become, I hate what I was as depressed girl. I hate how I used to be that broken glass after dad left. But still I want to see what this life will give for me at future. I don't want to give up <3 I want to survive an live a long and healthy life.