𝑯𝒊𝒔 𝑶𝒏𝒍𝒚 𝑾𝒆𝒂𝒌𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔 | Levi Ackerman x Female Reader

Revenge

Morning came as sunshine warmed my face, waking me up. I turned around, looking for Levi, but he wasn't in bed.

He must've already gotten up...

As I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, I heard footsteps in the kitchen, so I wrapped my robe around me, and got up to see what Levi was up to.

"You're awake." Levi said, as he poured two cups of tea.

"Thank you." I groggily told him as he handed me mine.

"I was about to come wake you. You looked peaceful, so I let you sleep for a while longer." He said, avoiding eye contact. I smiled at him. Even though his words were blunt, his actions were gentle. As much as I wanted him to be mushy and sweet, that just wasn't who he was. I didn't want to change him, I figured I probably even couldn't if I tried.

He sat down in his seat at the table as I set my cup down, and walked into the kitchen to make some toast. I walked passed him, and patted him on the head, ruffling his hair a bit. Halfway to show him affection, and the other half to mess around.

We got ready to head into the office, and we made our morning walk together just like we always did.

Later that day, Hange briefed me on their soon meeting, and I got the nerve to ask them something I had been wanting to for some time now.

"Captain?" I asked. Hange looked up at me, waiting for me to speak.

"When can I join a squad again? Your's or Levi's?"

They looked down, seeming as if they were trying to get their thoughts together.

"Erwin told me to halt your scout status. We're worried your injury may not allow you to fight like you once did. You hurt your dominant arm. That's significant."

I didn't say anything. I just got annoyed. I know I lived and slept next to Levi, but deep down inside, I wanted to fight next to him too. I wanted to redeem myself, and prove to him that I'm still a good soldier.

"I understand, Captain." I said, not looking at them. I continued to write my reports as Hange rested their hand on my shoulder.

"I'll talk to Erwin, and see what I can do." They reassured. I smiled, but I was still bummed out.

Hange sent me home early, so when I got back to our place, I did some deep cleaning to clear out my frustrations.

But halfway through cleaning, tears started to fall from my eyes. I stopped what I was doing, and grabbed my journal, since I knew the only thing that helped me was when I wrote down my feelings.

6/27/850~

It's been over three months since I've been on a mission. I don't even feel like myself anymore. I'm a scout, not a scientist. I joined the Survey Corp to fight titans, not test some titan kid's blood. I understand the research Hange and I have been doing is important, but it's not my purpose.

Maybe I just need to get the courage to ask Levi. He would understand. He may even let me on his new squad, and that way I could maybe even learn more about him.

But even if I couldn't be on his squad, I'd be happy to be on Hange's. I don't care. I just want to do something fulfilling.

I hate that I got stupid and injured myself. I hate that I made myself look like a fool in front of my now husband. I just want to be brave like him, but I can't do that if I'm running tests in a lab, stuck in this in between stage of scout and scientist.

I know I can fight to the same capacity I once did before my injury, if only I could prove it to them.

I feel like a waste...

I just want to be useful...


I looked down upon the tear stain journal, my vision shattered by the pools filling my eyes. I shakily put my pencil down and closed my journal, and once again buried it back under numerous books in my nightstand, as I wiped the tears still falling from my eyes. I had to stop crying before Levi came back home though, I didn't want him to know I was obviously upset.

Later that night, I talked to Levi about it, thinking he would understand where I'm coming from.

"I can't seem to convince Hange to let me on her scout squad. Why do you think that is?" I asked him, speaking up after a while of silence.

We were doing our laundry on the bed, folding our clothes in the calmness of the night.

"Your swing is bound to be different." Levi said, referring to my shoulder. I half ignored him, wishing he'd be a little less pessimistic.

"You think you could talk her into it? For me?" I begged, giving him puppy dog eyes.

He glared at me, not seeming too fond of my request.

"It's not the same, (y/n)..." He said quietly.

I was getting aggravated.

"What do you mean?"

Levi took a deep breath, his patience with me running short, just like mine was with him.

"We're not fighting Titans anymore... We're fighting humans..." He said somberly .

"You don't think I can handle that?" I asked, getting sassy.

Levi once again glared as he finished up folding his shirt.

"I know you can do anything. I just don't want your hands stained with blood, is all." He responded, as he avoided my eyes.

I didn't say anything. What he said was actually touching, and it made me tear up. I avoided his eye contact too, not wanting him to see me cry. My hands were already stained with blood though, and the weight of what happened to my squad drowned my heart in sadness. I couldn't help but feel bad for being alive today.

Levi got up, the basket in his hands as he took it to the closet. When he came back, he came and sat next to me on the edge of the bed, closer than he ever had before. He definitely noticed I was about to cry.

"I just...want to prove to you, that I'm a good soldier." I said, my voice trembling.

His eyebrows furrowed slightly, as if he didn't really know what to do with my emotional self. He grabbed the shirt I was folding, and helped me fold it, as if to do something with his hands.

"You don't have to prove anything to me." Levi said. I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping no more tears would come out, but it didn't matter, they just ran down my face with no way to stop them.

"I wanna avenge Petra and the others too..." I whispered, my voice barley audible, but I knew he heard, because his face went blank. He took my shirt that he finished folding for me and set it to the side, and froze. I could feel how he wanted to comfort me, but he didn't know how, so he just let me cry.

He sat there quietly, as my tears turned to sobs. I just wanted to mean something in this twisted life.

It wasn't fair...

We were just two broken people, living in an even more broken world. It didn't care about us, it just continued to turn with each new day, only forcing us to deal with heartbreak as if for forever...