𝑯𝒊𝒔 𝑶𝒏𝒍𝒚 𝑾𝒆𝒂𝒌𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔 | Levi Ackerman x Female Reader

Dear Levi

That next morning, I woke up with the worst hangover I had ever experienced.

After a helpless dinner with my parents, I came back to our small house, and drank myself to sleep. I had never once relied on alcohol for more than just encouragement, but I felt like it was the only thing I could lean on for right now, considering I didn't have Levi or Hange.

But, sleeping on it did seem to help. I woke up more relaxed, and not too unhinged like I was the night before. My thoughts were clearer, and I had come to terms with reality.

I realized I was just scared.

Since the day we got married, I had the excuse that Levi and I were set up together, and I could imagine how he felt about me. But, now I knew how he felt, indirectly of course.

Even though I trusted Erwin, those words came out of his mouth, not Levi's, and hearing it from him would help solidify it more.

But did I actually want to have that talk with him?

I guess I had time to think about what I could say.

Soon, the real King will be exposed by the scouts, and a coup d'etat will play out, bringing clarity to the people within the walls. I just had to continue doing my job day in and day out, until eventually, Levi would come back.

So that's precisely what I did, with the help of more wine and my journal.

The more days he was gone, the less sleep I had, but the more dreams I had about him. My thoughts and feelings of Levi spun out of my control recklessly, making me want him more and more in every possible way. 

I dreamed of his hands on my waist, his lips on mine. It's like I could actually feel his hair between my fingers, and his tough muscles up against me. But I would always wake up before the dream got anywhere good. Probably, because that was uncharted territory for us.

Was this what falling in love felt like?

About a week after he left, I walked home after stopping by at the corner store, stocking up on things I'd need just for myself. When I made it to my doorstep, a small little cat waited on the porch.

"Hey there kitty..." I said, bending down to pat him on the head. I knew Levi wouldn't be a fan of an animal living in the house, but maybe some companionship is what I needed so that I wouldn't go absolutely bonkers.

So, I didn't think twice about it. I opened the door, and let the sweet little thing in. The cat made itself at home, basically adopting us. It was nice. I finally wasn't alone.

Sorry, Levi... I thought to myself, chuckling.

My parents came by to check on me every other night, and I got pretty good at hiding my buzz from them.  They also played with the kitty that had grown very attached to me, and I believed they saw it as a good sign.

What they didn't know was how feral I actually was, unlike the cat. I didn't know how I'd stop myself from attacking Levi the second he got into the door, and I didn't know just how long I could possibly handle being a goddamn fill in for Hange at their lab. The science and background behind all of the Titans was permanently drilled into my head, and all I wanted to do was kill every last one of them.

I didn't care to learn anything about them anymore, I just wanted to be where I belonged.

"Goodnight, sweetie!" My mom said as they walked out of the house.

As I poured the last bit of wine I had left in the bottle into a teacup, I brought it to bed with me as my new little pet followed behind me, jumping onto the mattress and curling up at my feet.

I grabbed a pen and my journal, and flipped through all the entries of the previous days, all of them covered in hearts and doodles of how passionate I had grown to be about Levi.

Now he really can't ever find this...

7/7/850~

Dear Levi...

You may never hear me say these words, let alone read them, but I can confidently say I am falling in love with you. Sure, it maybe just be the idea of you, since I truly don't know who you are just yet, but it happened.

I thought it would take longer, but Erwin's words, and your absence during this time have proven it to me.

I don't know how I'll act when I see you again...

Will it be plainly obvious that I've fallen head over heels? Or will I spare you from the wicked truth?

Is love something you even want to deal with right now?

Sure, you fooled me as to who had a say in the choosing of your bride, but it was still Erwin's idea to get us married. He was just nice enough to let you pick.

And you picked me...

Why did this happen now? Why couldn't we have been born in a world without heart break? Why did we fall into a world so cruel? Why were we the unlucky ones, born into the world of Titans?

Why do you have to be Humanity's strongest?

If we were born into another world, during another time, maybe we could fall in love peacefully. One where we don't have to be guilty for feeling the way we feel, one where we can sleep together, harmoniously dreaming sweet dreams...

I want to live there, with you, Levi...

Not here...

Not in this world within the walls, that's full of tragedy. 

As I looked over what I sloppily wrote, a tear fell from my eye.

I was so torn.

All I wanted was to tell him how I felt, but I knew it was wrong. This was all such bad timing, and I had to worry more about what was going on in the world, rather than what was going on in my heart.