𝑯𝒊𝒔 𝑶𝒏𝒍𝒚 𝑾𝒆𝒂𝒌𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔 | Levi Ackerman x Female Reader

Lonsome Nights

That night, Levi never came home. I laid in bed by myself, with pain in my heart and tears in my eyes.

I felt so alone. My problems were nothing compared to what was happening in real life. No one would care about my relationship problems when we had just lost our commander and half of the scouts to a cynical Beast Titan.

I had to figure this out on my own, if there even was anything left to figure out. Levi was probably done with me for good, and now that Erwin is gone, Levi may just want to call it quits on the marriage anyways.

It was Erwin's idea, so it wouldn't surprise me.

As I finished the last sip of wine left in the bottle, I got up to throw it away, not wanting Levi to see if he did happen to come back to the house.

As I tip-toed through the house in my robe, I stumbled over to the trash bin and threw the bottle away, hearing it clank against the bottom of the container.

Suddenly a light switched on.

"How many bottles have you had?" Said a voice from the opposite side of the room.

I jumped out of my skin, since I thought I was the only one in the house.

I looked over to see Levi sitting in the armchair that we had in our living room, with a crossed look on his face.

"When did you come back?" I asked, still startled. I hadn't even heard him come in the house.

"A while ago..."

I simply nodded.

"So, how many bottles is that?" He asked again.

"I have only had that one..." I said, averting his gaze. It was a lie, it was my third. I had grown somewhat of a tolerance, and it normally took about five bottles for me to pass out from inebriation.

"Lying again, are we?"

Shit. How did he know?

"It's really none of your business, just like how the contents of my journal are none of your business." I said, in a catty manner. I was still mad at what he did.

He scoffed. I could tell he was getting angry, so I stopped it before he and I could fight even more. Even though I couldn't admit to loving him, it didn't mean I didn't feel it. And that love hindered me from being mad enough to argue with him.

He had so much stress in his life, and I personally didn't want to add on to that.

"Listen, I'm tired. I'm going to go to sleep." I said. "We can talk about it in the morning."

I fully expected him to follow me to the bedroom, but he didn't. He simply turned the light out and closed his eyes while still sitting on the chair.

A little bit of my heart broke more in that moment. What little bit of intimacy we had was now gone.

As I laid down with more tears forming in my eyes, I hoped maybe it would just be tonight Levi wouldn't sleep next to me. I went to bed, hopeful that the next day would be better, and he would once again join me as we dreamed together.

But I was wrong.

Nights passed as I grew used to sleeping by myself. Levi resided to the armchair day in and day out, and we barley even spoke. I began calling him Captain again, since I was once again part of the Scouts, and he didn't seem to bother him.

Had we broken up?

It felt so strange. I barley saw him anymore, and when I did, it seemed so formal. My thoughts and ideas were in shambles. I didn't  know how to feel. If he truly loved me, I would have expected him to fight for me. I knew how Levi was, I knew he wasn't a quitter. But it felt like he had given up on me.

I didn't realize how much I enjoyed him till I didn't have him anymore.

I was so opposed to this marriage in the first place, but it was starting to flourish into something beautiful. I didn't want it to end.

So, instead of dealing with my emotions in a logical matter, I continued drowned them in alcohol, but now in secret. I didn't want Levi to see me.

I knew he'd give me shit for it, and to be honest I didn't want a scolding from the reason I was drinking so much in the first place. I hated to blame him for my addiction, but I was tired of blaming myself.

But regardless of whether I drank in the house or not, I could tell he knew. But his cold stature showed me no sympathy. I felt like he wouldn't even care if I drank myself to death.

I racked my brain, trying to think if there was any other why Levi could've changed so much, but besides Erwin dying and our bad argument, I couldn't think of anything else. It weighed on me, and the lack of his touch drained me of all my happiness.

"See me after we get done with training today, (y/l/n)." Hange said to me as I was in a deep trance. I caught myself zoning out and struggling to focus, which is not how I wanted to be since aI was lucky to be reinstated as a Scout.

I just couldn't help it. I wasn't myself anymore...

"What's going on with you, (y/n)? I was going to promote you to a captain, but I don't know if I can if you keep acting like this!" Hange said with worry in their voice.

"It's...nothing..." I responded, not wanting to make my situation a big deal. I knew I needed to just talk to Levi, and I needed to stop drinking. It was easier said than done though.

"(Y/n)..." Hange said sternly.

I let out a big sigh, knowing that I would have to explain everything.

So that's what I did. I told my commander everything.

"I knew this would happen..." Hange said with frustration. They let their head fall in their hands for a second.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"I knew Levi would push you away if you became a scout again. That dumbass...Look what it's doing to you!"

I was instantly confused. I didn't understand how they got to this conclusion, but I couldn't help but think it made plenty of sense.

Levi was adamant I not return to the scouts.

"But you're a dumbass for not telling him how you actually feel. You two are hurting each other at the same time."

That's when it all really clicked.

"Talk to him, (y/n). I don't like seeing either of you two like this..."

I simply nodded, craving the comfort of alcohol to deal with my insane feelings.

"You're dismissed."