𝑯𝒊𝒔 𝑶𝒏𝒍𝒚 𝑾𝒆𝒂𝒌𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔 | Levi Ackerman x Female Reader

Crazy

As I walked through the Survey Corps Office running tests and signing off on papers, I noticed Commander Erwin.

Being Hange's fill in was stressful and a lot of work, but it could wait. I had to speak with him.

"Commander!" I called out, running over to him and instantly saluting him. "I know you are about to head out, but if I could bother you for one moment, please."

"Now, (y/n)...I promise Hange and I are discussing your status as a Scout." He said, jumping the gun.

"Thank you sir, but I actually wanted to ask you something else." I responded.

"Oh, sure. What is it?"

I took a deep breath. I didn't know why I was nervous to ask, since I felt like I already knew Erwin's answer.

"Why did you pick me for Captain Levi?" I asked.

"Pick you? I-i didn't pick you. Levi asked for you personally." The commander said, confused.

It was like he had kicked me in my stomach.

I was speechless. I didn't know what to say.

"(Y/n)? Did you not know that?"

"No, sir. Never mind though. Thank you for your time. Please, be safe." I said, saluting him once more and walking away quickly.

I didn't know where my legs were taking me, but they moved mindlessly as my brain went into overdrive. This whole time, I had thought that all of this was set up by Erwin. I thought Levi didn't have a choice. I thought he was being forced to marry me. I thought it was all coincidence. But I was wrong.

I walked into the bathroom for seclusion as my heart pounded in my chest. I sank down up against the door, as my mind quickly put the pieces together.

Levi wouldn't have been so okay with this if he hadn't chosen me for himself. He liked me, that's why he chose me. That's why he was opening up. This was all his doing.

My heart fluttered in my chest as butterflies danced in my stomach.

I thought getting to know Levi was the key to falling in love, but I was wrong.

This was all I needed to completely spiral out of control.

I walked back to my desk, I grabbed a sheet of paper and a pen, since I could no longer keep my fleeting emotions in check. I don't like traveling with my journal, since it tends to get tattered up, so I would just write out how I felt on this paper, and tape it into my journal later.

6/30/850

Captain Levi picked me. He picked me to be his bride.

But he left this morning to go on a mission. He told me there would be political unrest, and that those we trusted in were no longer dependable.

So saying I was scared was an understatement.

I want him to come home okay.

I want to continue growing this bond that's slowly blossoming. I'm not going to be scared to show him how I feel any longer...

But, I just don't know when he'll be back. I might just go crazy without him...

"Uh, (y/n)?" Said one of Hange's assistants. I was in charge while they were gone so everyone would come find me when something was needed.

I quickly folded the piece of paper I was frantically writing on and put it in my pocket, as I tried to come back to grips with reality.

I went about the rest of my day, trying to stay as focused as I could. But it was hard. I felt like all the other scouts around me could tell I was not myself today, and I made the lame excuse that I just felt under the weather.

After I got done at the office, I ran home to tape the entry into my journal, and to continue writing, since I had so much pent up emotion. I was to meet my family for dinner in an hour or so, so I had time to calm myself before seeing them.

Love grows in the strangest places. When I was first told that I would marry Levi, I was upset. Not for my sake, but for his. Little did I know, this is what he wanted all along.

Sure, I wanted the typical story, of how one day I would meet someone, and go on dates and fall in love that way. But we didn't live in a normal world.

Truly, there was no time for the love I craved. But maybe, one day all of this will be over.

Maybe Levi and I could have kids. Maybe he could open up a tea shop, like I knew he always wanted. Maybe, just maybe, he could finally forget all the tragedy in his life, and sleep peacefully for the rest of his time, beside me.

But these are all dreams, and we live in reality...

Should I distract him with all this nonsense? Did he actually want me to know that he picked me?...

I quickly shut my journal, as my thoughts turned sour. My head began to hurt all the overthinking I was doing, so I closed my book and put it away, hoping I could find comfort in a bottle of wine somewhere in the house.

When I found one, I poured myself a glass and gulped it down, hoping it would ease my mind a bit before I met my family for dinner. Sure, I could speak to my mother about this, but my father still had no idea this was all planned, and it would kill him if he knew Levi and I were set up.

So, I calmed myself down, and slightly stumbled out of the house, making my way down to their hotel.

When we eventually got to the restaurant, I ordered another bottle of wine, since it was the only thing that seemed to work on my hysterical brain.

"How have you and Levi been, sweetie?" My mother asked.

"Uh, good!" I responded, not really knowing what to say. I knew alcohol made my tongue loose, but it also eased me, and I needed that more.

"How long will he be gone for?" My father asked, as I poured myself another glass of wine, before our food had even arrived.

"It's indefinite..." I said, avoiding their eye contact. I saw them both look at each other, obviously worried. My cheeks felt hot, and the room was moving a little slower than it had when we first arrived.

"(Y/n), since when do drink this much?" My mother asked, worried.

"I just don't know how to cope with him being gone." I lied. What I didn't know how to deal with the news I had gotten earlier from Erwin. I figured I would have accepted it by now, but I was wrong. All I wanted was to see him, to feel him or kiss him or rip his clothes off.

I was going crazy.