To Begin Again (narry)

he forgot about me

"We shouldn't have, Niall. It was wrong of us to have gone that far, it was inappropriate-"

"You mean shag? Fuck? Have sex? You know you can say it, right?" Niall shouldn't feel this upset with Harry, he's been through this before. He should be used to it by now.

"Niall," Harry rubs his temples, trying to get the younger lad to understand. Understand him. "I don't want to hurt you, I really don't. But it seems like I am, no matter what I do."

Niall stares at him, blinks a couple of times until he sighs and nods. "I'm... leaving. Think it's best I'm not around you, don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"No, that's not— no." He stumbles with his words.

"I find it funny because this is exactly how I felt about Bressie, like I meant nothing. The reason why I tagged along was so I could move on." He laughs humorlessly. "I'm an idiot."

"You're not an idiot." Harry frowns, he isn't handling this situation well, he knows that but he isn't sure what to say.

"Clearly I am because I've grown feelings towards someone that is in love with someone else." Niall scoffs, he isn't even mad at Harry. He's angry at himself for being so stupid. "Once again."

"Niall, no. You're not the problem here, I am. I'm a selfish man, can't you see? I left the man I loved— love, when it got too difficult. I'm hurting you and I know that I'm hurting you, but I like having you around. Too damn selfish to let you go. I don't want you to go." He has tears in his eyes but he doesn't let them fall. "That night, my sister called to invite me to her birthday party and she mentioned him. I was too emotional and just needed to feel, feel something. Anything. I tried drinking, but that wasn't what I wanted. What I desperately needed."

Niall flickers his gaze downwards, his heart aching. "I understand," He says above a whisper. "But, I don't think you're selfish. You're just... sad."

"Yeah, a sad excuse of a human being." Harry clenches his fists. "I used you-"

"Don't, please don't say that." He is trying to understand what is that Harry wants from him. Buys it's all just a confusing mess. "Don't say either of those things, please." He says softly with the most unwavering earnest look.

Harry frowns, he moves forward to stand right in front of him. "I'm so sorry, Niall." He cups his face and caresses his cheeks.

"No need to apologize, H. You're my best friend." Niall smiles up at him, wrapping his arms around Harry's waist. I'm so weak for him. "And I'm here to help ya with anything. I'll always be here for ya, mate."

I don't deserve you. "Thank you."

Niall knows he should clarify on what he meant by anything, but he decides against it. "And if you want, I can go with you to your sister's party." He chews on his lower lip, watching Harry's eyes slightly widen in surprise.

"I'm not— I don't think I should go." Harry steps back slightly, still in Niall's arms. "Don't think I'm wanted there."

"She's your sister, pet. Of course she wants you there." He pulls him back towards him. "She wouldn't have invited you if she didn't."

He lets out a long sigh, thinks about Gemma and his mum. He hasn't seen them in a while, last time he saw his sister they argued and he still feels bad for that. "Yeah, okay. I'll go." He stares into Niall's blue, blue eyes. "And I'd love for you to go with me."

"Okay," Niall smiles up at him. "It'll be okay."

"I should probably call her now and let her know I will be going then." Harry places his hands on Niall's shoulders and squeezes lightly.