Take Me 2

Chapter [18]

The songs for this chapter are:

-Lost Boy: Ruth B

-Cedarwood Road: U2

-Cinema: Benny Benassi ft. Gary Go

Justin's POV

I am a lost boy.

As if every fiber in my being could feel every emotion possible in the human body, it consumed me with such a powerful mass.

I hate feeling this way.

I hate the guilt eating me away into a pile of nothing, but I can't stop doing it.

Asher, why am I so evil? I place my hands lightly on the steering wheel of my fathers car rolling my eyes, I'm tired of driving his car, I want mine back, but it went along with my brother.

Everything did.

It's not fair.

I'm sick of life cheating me out of what I thought was mine.

I'm tired of Selena lying to me too; I don't have a friend in this world.

That's the crazy thing, everyone in this world has a cruel side and it never meshes, we just pretend to care until it becomes clear no one does.

No one fucking gives a shit if you die or if you live. Or maybe I'm just lying to myself to mask the hate and guilt.

Stop it then Justin! Stop it!

I scream at myself, but the dark side of me screams back to live this way because I am bad. I am a bad boy who deserves no love. I am a bad boy who doesn't deserve Selena, but I don't want to accept that. Selena's mother may be right, but I don't want to give her something to smile about if I leave. It will only fulfill her darkest suspicions of me and I don't plan to add up to anything she calculates.

Maybe being a lost boy instead of a dark one is better, maybe it gives me a start instead of a dead end.

Maybe.

I don't know why it never occurred to me to never tell Selena about Demi.

Perhaps the other brunette never once flashed through my mind because I was completely in love with the girl in front of me.

No, I don't think about Demi as much as I would like to. Not in such a way to remember what it was like to hold her in my arms, but to wonder what happened.

What did happen?

I have read her journal at least a thousand times and still I can't figure out what must have been going on inside her head.

What her last thoughts were, what her last anything was; even if it was the last.

I close my eyes at a red light for a second leaning my head back against the headrest of my seat, thinking.

Days after there was no sign of Demi and her parents began to question me along with Clay, I can still remember how I felt.

Aubrey never showed any sign of pain or worry, she just raised a brow and said she was glad the girl was gone.

I was bewitched by Aubrey and it kills me to admit it, she has always been one of my closest friends...

Even the way she used to touch me was bewitching until it wasn't.

I outgrew her but she never outgrew me.

Why have I surround myself with such evil?

Is Demi dead?