sapphire || fred weasley

sixty-two

Triggering content, viewer discretion advised.

Juliet's first birthday was just around the corner, and though Fred would never admit it out loud, he was dreading the day with everything he had in him.

And it wasn't Juliet's fault.

Nothing would ever be Juliet's fault.

He loved her more than anything in the whole world. He loved her with every beat of his heart and every breath he took.

But the day she was born, the day that was supposed to be one of the best ones in his whole life, was also the worst.

And Juliet of course had no notion of it. She didn't have to have it. She was just a baby grazing toddlerhood with her fingertips.

Fred could tell that there was something in Juliet's eyes. Just like the very first months she had been with him.

There was a longing in them. Permanently searching for someone that would never come.

She was smart. Brilliant more like it.

Fred knew it. Everyone surrounding them knew it.

And Juliet could tell despite her young age, that the female figures in her life weren't the ones she was in fact looking for.

She loved Andromeda and called her Nanna. She loved Fleur and called her Tati. She loved Ginny and called her Nini. She loved Hermione but couldn't pronounce an approximation of her name so the nickname Mio got stuck. She loved Amelia and Tonks and Poppy.

But she didn't have anyone to call mumma and that made her desperate.

Because she wanted to say the words. She just didn't have anyone to say them to and she just didn't understand why.

Since the moment she could recognize voice tones and facial expressions, Juliet had become highly perceptive of other people's feelings by just sensing them. Especially Fred's.

She could tell that he was quieter and less joyful than usual. He wasn't laughing as much as he normally did when they were together.

She observed her dad and uncles having hushed conversations in which both seemed frustrated and annoyed. She didn't understand why.

And Fred being Fred, wanted nothing more than for her to just have a happy and normal childhood, full of love and attention from everyone that surrounded the blue eyed baby girl.

So he begrudgingly agreed to throw her a first birthday, despite not really wanting to get out of bed the twenty-third of the eleventh month.

Fleur insisted for him not to worry about anything. That all would be taken care of and he only needed to be there, smile for pictures and eat of Juliet's birthday cake.

He didn't really want to.

Because the thing about grief, is that it comes and it goes in waves. And he didn't feel ready to accept that a year had passed.

But he loved Juliet. And parents shouldn't be selfish when it came to their babies.

The grief and guilt he still carried after a year without Beatrice, had slowly eaten him alive until nothing but a carcass was  left.

Physically, he looked perfectly fine and healthy.

Emotionally, he was nothing but a pile of bones. A cold and lifeless corpse who wandered around the Earth, searching for the love that was taken away from him. Searching for the love that  would never come back.