sapphire || fred weasley

eighty-one

June, 2001.

Beatrice was about sixteen weeks pregnant.

It was going by faster than how she would've wanted.

Some of the first trimester symptoms like the nausea and dizziness prevailed. She had just stopped violently throwing up repeatedly during the day, just the week prior but that didn't take from the fact that she looked and felt like shit.

But seeing Theo everyday made her days a little better.

A little sunshine amidst the storm.

He always casted a disillusionment charm upon himself to not be seen walking towards the wing of Malfoy Manor where Beatrice stayed.

She had missed him terribly. More than she could put into words.

Aster never stopped by during the day, but she always had the suspicion that he came to see her at night, when she was sound asleep and hiding within the world of her memories with Fred.

Replaying every single one. Going into each one and seeing the little details she would never see again.

His smile. His eyes crinkling when he laughed. His soft and fluffy red hair. His voice.

His terrible joked and how they always made her laugh. How his rough lips felt against hers.

The trace his fingertips left after touching her skin.

Beatrice lived refuged within her memories.

Because her memories where a ticking time bomb.

And when the time ran out and the baby was born. She wouldn't have any memories left.

And Beatrice had no remedy than to cry herself to sleep every night.

Because things weren't supposed to go the way they did.

And in a utopic world, she would be falling asleep in Fred's arms and not be hugging her own body for warmth and comfort.

In a utopic world, she wouldn't be going to pregnancy alone. Because it was fucking terrifying.

And the fact that she was alone, scared her even more.

Because Fred wasn't there to reassure that everything was going to be okay. He wasn't there to kiss her and the already showing bump.

He wasn't there to make her favorite meals and he wasn't there to tell his bad jokes when she was feeling worst than usual. He wasn't there to rub her stomach and talk to the baby how he was supposed to.

He wouldn't be there holding her hand, kissing her temple as she brought their first child to the world.

It wasn't fair.

None of it was fair.

Because no matter what she did. No matter how old she was.

Life didn't like dealing Beatrice Nott a fair set of cards.

Life had pulled her apart, fiber by fiber, cell by cell, atom by atom, until there was nothing more than a shell.

A broken and shattered shell that struggled to keep afloat and not for herself.

Because in all honesty, Beatrice stopped caring about herself.

If she would have chose her fate, she would have chosen death. No hesitation.