ROSES | IM Changkyun

Torns

Y/N POV

Die.

I wish I could just die.

Have you ever felt suffocated with all the mess in your life, that waking every morning makes your stomach turn, breathing feels like being choked up and you literally just want to evaporate and be gone, just gone in the air.

Welcome to my life, where complication has always been a norm and if nothing's complicated that means it's not my life.

I swallowed hard, drinking my bland coffee while looking through the window of my small apartment, that I have to worry everyday if I have saved enough to pay the rent for.

They say God gives people problems not because he wants them to suffer but because these problems will make them stronger than they already are. The thought of it made me smirk, thinking-how does God even think I am that strong person he thought I am to load me up with this damn baggage.

I stood up and stepped into my tiny kitchen to wash and dry my mug. It's another day, where I can't start anything for myself. The pain of living this way seems endless. And sometimes I wish I was like this from the very start, so getting used to it isn't that difficult. But I wasn't.

And I missed my old self. Full of life, and always looking forward for what the future holds.

That's not me anymore, everything just went dark, while I was looking forward then I am now hiding and just running away, finding a way to live or say survive.

I never thought my life would stop at 22, I am 2 years older now, living and waiting for any hope that would take me out of this miserable shithole I am buried.

Again, this is me talking nonsense never ending realizations to myself, staring at my cupboard blankly as I dry my hands after washing my only single mug.

Tied my hair, wore my hoodie and my backpack. Off I go to work.

The night is cold, my work is thankfully just a 5-minute walk from where I stay, so walking in this freezing weather isn't much of a pain.

Pitbull.

My night life, surviving milk, my short escape, the work that is helping my head get distracted from digging full load of shit.

"Hey Moon!" I greeted our friendly bear aka the security before I walk pass him towards the back door of the pub after a quick fist bump.

"Told ya, this isn't your apartment Y/N! Stop showing up with that I am gonna die face!" That's Tony with a stick in his mouth greeting me with his usual greeting every single night. I gave him a sarcastic smile, before my real smile as I open my locker and placed my bag in.

"..and I told you this is my face and I'm not gonna die...Yettt.. thanks to you" that was the truth, if he did not accept me with this job, I am not sure how I am going to keep up. Small business, Big Dreams that's what he is, and big dreams means swimming in the big sea for his Pitbull, gotta make the dog swim and catch them fishes. Good guy, he is, but let's say he is different when it comes to business. Wolves eat wolves and he is out here to prove himself to I don't know who. We are one of the busiest pub in Gangnam and foreigners love us, because of that we gotta give whatever they love.

He got his back door business too. Not for everyone uninvited. Gambling, cokes, whatever.

So he got two set of staffs, ones you can't see cause they are invisible for a reason and the ones you can-- like me, cause we are the front covers.

The ones you can't see well, they get paid more cause they risk more trouble, for people like me it's just enough to survive. Don't get me wrong though, when I say Tony is kind he truly is, he helps everyone, he'll never say no to anyone of us and he never forced anyone of us to get a gig we don't like. It's your call and your choice of pay. Just business and work nothing else.

I don't serve, I am at the bar though, I mix drinks the special ones for the people in the back and I do the girly paperwork stuff. We're only two girls, cause Tony says a girl is enough trouble, two is too much. The other one got the stomach for the back door work which was originally offered to me but I refused, she's our own version of Molly Bloom with the weed and coke retailing minus the fancy stuff Molly wears, if you don't know her you'd think she's a minor but definitely older than me.

"Hey girrrl whatsupp!" She just got in when she saw me sitting in my area face on my pc checking the inventory.

"Hey Jia what's good.." I answered as I continue to do what I'm doing.

"Nothing much, same old same old, I wish I could hang with you at the back, the game gets boring after sometime you know"she sighed as she grabbed a beer from our bar.

"Heard Tony is looking for a new female staff to help us with you know...BD stuff" she whispered.

"oh yeah,, heard that too" I answered in the same monotone voice while typing my entries in our system.

"aren't you really interested? I mean that could really help you a lot you know." She continued; I know Jia. I know. That's me talking to her in my head.

"I am still okay, plus I really don't think I'll be ready for that" I just sighed deep, no matter how much I want to get and grab that mf chance I just can't do it, I promise myself no more trouble and no more additional headache. I'll take it slowly but surely.

"I don't know Y/n, this is hustle and it's in your face, plus what's to loose.." she leaned closer to me and softly whispered "..it's part time too- 1000 USD per gig"

I almost choked when she mentioned the figure. 1000 USD that could fast track resolving that damn shitload I have.

"You said what?" In my loud whisper, now I am interested to listen.

She smiled having that now-I-get-your-attention face.