3 am (l.h.)

0.9

Audrey

 

We're still laying on my bed when I hear a nurse clear her throat. I bolt up and jump off the bed, though I know we can't cover this up. Luke sits up slowly and throws his legs over the side of the bed. He walks quietly over to his side of the room and whispers an apology.

"Audrey," the nurse says to me with a disappointed frown on her face, "Doctor Yang would like to do a quick evaluation, and you'll be set to leave in about two hours."

I nod and follow her out of the room, flashing a quick smile to Luke before I exit.

The nurse (whose name tag reads "Nurse Terrance") leads me to this little room where I had my psych evaluation when I first got here. Dr. Yang sits in a plastic chair on the far side of the small table, a seemingly forced smile on his face. He motions for me to sit on the other side of the table. I sit down and he looks at my chart for a minute before speaking.

"Audrey Brooks," he begins lazily, "why don't you tell me about your current mental and emotional state."

"I'm good," I tell him, without taking the time to think about if that's really true. "A lot better." There. That's mostly the truth.

"You're set to be discharged in about 2 hours. Do you feel like you'll be safe at home?"

I nod once. "Yes, I'm gonna be really happy to be home and I'll be perfectly safe."

He makes a mark on my chart. "Good, good. Just to be sure, we'll be calling twice a week for the next month just to make sure you're alright, and your doctor has put together a list of psychologists and psychiatrists that take your insurance and would be able to help with your illnesses and medication."

I smile weakly. "I've been to a million psychologists and psychiatrists and therapists and doctors, and none of them have helped."

"Well, if you refuse to go to a psychologist and take your meds, the next option would be an inpatient program or residential facility."

I sigh. "Fine, I'll do whatever it takes to stay out of inpatient."

"Now, will you be staying with anyone when you get out of here?"

"No, I live by myself."

"We strongly recommend that you find someone to stay with."

"I'm happier on my own," I say simply.

He nods. "That's alright, whatever helps you be happier."

He scribbles on my chart for a minute before he tells me I can go.

I walk back to my room, trying to decide what to say next time someone asks me about my "current mental and emotional state." I mean, I'm obviously not good or anything close to it, but I'm fine. I think that's the best I can expect to be in a situation like this.

I walk the rest of the way back to the room counting my steps. 1 2 3 4 5.... I get to 47 before I reach the doorway. Luke's laying on his bed, his left arm resting on his chest, his right one hanging off the edge. He has his eyes closed. I think he might be sleeping so I walk quietly to my bed, but when I look over at him after I lay down, his eyes are open.

"Hey," he says, groggily yet somehow joyful. "How was your talk with Dr. Yang?"

"Alright. I'm still going home at the same time as before."

"He's pretty cool, yeah?"

I let out a small laugh. "He's alright. Seems to be bored by everything I say. Did you meet with him?"

"Yeah," Luke says. "He thought I might have PTSD but decided it was too soon to tell and they should just check if I have a concussion."

"Do you think you have PTSD?" I ask him.

"I don't know," he sighs. "I don't know enough about it to know if I have it or not."

He gets up from his bed and takes his place on the edge of mine. "While you were gone, I went on iTunes and bought that song you played me in your janitor's closet." His smile is so wide that I can see every single tooth in his mouth.

"Everything Is Embarrassing?" I ask.

"Yeah. It's awesome." Does this guy ever stop smiling?

"What are you most afraid of?" I blurt out.

"What?" he asks, obviously taken aback by my sudden question.

"You just seem so happy all the time. Don't you ever get sad about stupid things, things that don't involve saving a suicidal girl's life? Don't you have any irrational fears?"

He sits thinking for a minute. "Death."

"Well, that's not irrational," I point out.

"Yeah it is," he argues.

"How?"

"Because it's unavoidable. The only guarantee anyone ever gets in life is that you and everyone around you is going to die, and that thought should be comforting. It's a sure thing and it's the only one we get, so I should be comforted by the one sure thing in life. But I'm still afraid of it. I'm terrified."

I look up at him with a smile.

"Why are you smiling?" he asks. "I totally just told you something I've only ever told a few people. Why do you seem so happy?"

"It's nice to see that even the seemingly perfect and happy boy feels pain and fear. It's nice to see you're human."

He smiles back at me.

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This chapter was pretty boring but I can't wait for you guys to read the next two

 

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