3 am (l.h.)

Epilogue

Luke

I walk every morning from our new house to get the mail. The boys and I could finally afford a real house once I got promoted at my job. After I finish my culinary degree, I'll be able to play an important part in the kitchen at Javu. Audrey's grandma's friend Oscar has been very helpful since I got here, especially since we moved into a house nearby, and he makes sure I get away with a family sized meal every weekend for the guys.

I'd be lying if I said I don't think of Audrey everytime I see the table we had our first official date at. I'd be lying if I said I don't miss her like crazy.

It's been two and a half months since we've broken up, and we haven't spoken. Ashton talks to Laura all the time, and he assures me that Audrey's doing well on her own. I'm happy that she's happy. All I've wanted for the past two years is for her to be happy.

Today, I walk to get the mail with our new dog, RJ, and pull out a lump of bills and miscellaneous magazines.

I love my afternoon walks with the dog, before I go to work the late shift at the restaurant. It's short, just down the driveway and back, but the fresh air is nice, and it gives me time to just stop and appreciate life.

I hate to say it, but I wasn't able to appreciate things like this when I was with Audrey. I was too busy worrying about her. I guess I'm able to be happy without her, just as she is without me. I'm happy we're happy.

When I get back to the house, I spread out the mail, separating it into piles for each resident of the house to pick up, and something catches my eye. It's not a bill, not from a relative. Then I see the handwritten return address, with the name "Audrey Brooks" neatly printed above her and Laura's street address.

I open it without thinking, and as I read it, I smile and I cry, and I feel close to her. Everything suddenly feels fresh, but not in a bad way. Reading the letter makes me feel like we have closure, the beautiful kind where we know we don't need eachother, but we also know our paths may cross again one day. And I feel genuinely happy.

Dear Luke,

By the time you get this, I'll be in Europe with Laura, backpacking for an undetermined amount of time. Far away from memories of us. From memories of you. I won't be receiving mail or calls for at least a few months, so don't try calling. I'm not even going to bring my phone in my luggage.

Maybe I should be happy about taking a break from life, especially when said break is in Europe (!!!), but I'm mostly just scared. If you were here, you'd know just what to say. That's one of the reasons I fell in love with you. I never had to be afraid of showing you who I really am, because you'd accept me and make me feel better. You always knew how to fix everything. Well, almost everything.

I've been able to stay positive, for the most part. I want you to know that I'm happy. Laura tells me that you've been happy, too. Hearing that makes my heart smile. All I want is for you to be happy.

Timing is funny, isn't it? I somehow met you during one of the worst times in my life, and I dragged you down with me. But now that we've split, we're back to our old selves. Part of me is begging me to believe that we were unhappy because of each other, but I really feel that it was all just bad timing.

Maybe this just wasn't the right time for us, y'know? Maybe somewhere down the line, in 5 or 10 years, we'll meet again in a coffee shop on our way to work. You'll have 3 kids and you'll be a cool, goofy dad that your kids will love, then resent as teens, then love again. Maybe you'll be single, or maybe you'll have a pretty wife with an optimistic personality like yourself. You'll tell me about the nice house you have in the suburbs, with a vegetable garden and a treehouse you built yourself. And you'll be happy.

I'll probably be a psychiatrist or a therapist, helping people the way some amazing people have helped me. I might be living with Laura, but I'll probably just be living alone, but that's alright because I'm happier that way. I'll have a small apartment in the city, filling notebooks with doctor-ordered diary entries and drawings of emotions. I won't have kids or a husband, because I don't think I'm cut out for anything like that, but I know I'll have friends who will love me, regardless of all my crazy. And I'll be happy.

If we find each other again someday, I don't know what will happen. If we're both single, maybe we'll reunite with a hug and kiss. Or maybe you'll be married and I'll be dating someone and we could go on double dates and have dinner parties, making stupid jokes about the weather and our friends. But it's possible that we'll see each other and talk and then go our separate ways. We'll reminisce about all we went through together, laughing and crying and screaming, and maybe we'll grab coffee together. But after that, we might just exchange numbers with no intention of calling, and move on with our lives.

Honestly, the past two years, I haven't seen a future for me without you in it. I saw us moving into a nice house in the suburbs with a vegetable garden and a treehouse we built together. I pictured that conventional life that I've never gotten. But now that I've had time to think about it, maybe we can be happy without all that. Maybe we can be happy just as friends, or even on our own, living hours apart. And maybe that's okay.

I'll never forget you, I hope you know that. No matter what, you'll always be on my mind. And while I know we can be happy without each other, I'll always hope for that meeting in 5 or 10 years, and I'll picture a reunion with a hug and a kiss and a life with you after that. Maybe it's not possible for us to stay together now, maybe the timing isn't right, but in a few years, maybe it will be the right time. And we'll be happy.

I'll always remember you, not only as my first love. I'll remember you as my weird roommate, my optimistic bestie, that kid that was stupid enough to get hit by a car, and a stranger that I fell for in an emergency room in a small town at 3 am.

Always, Audrey

____________________

Guys I'm like actually sobbing

This story has helped me more than you could know

I love you guys so much, thank you for going on this journey with me

I can't believe it's over, but it feels right

Fun fact: I actually wrote a rough draft of this epilogue with the letter and everything before I even wrote the third chapter

There will still be a final A/N mentioning all the incredible people that made this story what it is

Thank you for reading, I love you so much

K bye

-Lo