3 am (l.h.)

2.5

Hey friends, this is Lo. I just wanted to let you know that this chapter includes content that may be triggering to some people, especially if you suffer from mental illness or have recently lost a loved one. If you feel triggered at any point in this chapter, please take care of yourself and drink some tea and read something happy. Your well being is much more important to me than getting reads on a sad story I wrote. <3333

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Audrey

I relapsed. New scars have appeared on my hips, and Luke won't just let it go.

"It's not a big deal, okay? It's just a couple cuts, jeez!" I yell over him trying to rationally tell me why it is, in fact, a big deal.

"Audrey!" Luke yells over me. "It is a big deal! I don't want you hurting yourself!"

"Well it's done, so what's the point of being upset now?" I ask, exasperated.

"I'm trying to show you that you shouldn't do this again!" He runs his hands through his hair over and over, which he does every time we fight. "I hate seeing you hurt!"

"Well, I'm already hurting, and there's nothing you can do about it now!"

He groans, his hands still stuck in his hair. "I don't understand why you're hurting! Isn't your life good right now?"

"My life is good but that doesn't change the fact that I have severe depression," I scoff.

"You have got to stop blaming everything on your illnesses! Depression isn't an excuse to treat me like shit and-"

"Okay fine, my life isn't all that great!" I scream over the rest of his sentence. "Is that what you wanna hear?"

"What do you mean? You have everything going for you right now!" he shouts, seeming confused.

"I'm never fucking good enough, luke!" I shout back. "No matter how good my life is, it's not good enough for me! No matter how pretty I look, it's not good enough for society! No matter how nice I try to be, it's not good enough for my friends! No matter how hard I try to be happy, it's never good enough for you!"

"You're fucking enough for me, Audrey!" Luke yells, seeming desperate as he throws his hands in the air.

My phone starts ringing on the coffee table, and I walk over to it, covering my face, so luke doesn't see me crying. It's a 415 area code. San Francisco. Laura lives there, but I have her number in my phone, so it's not her. I choose to ignore it. I turn in on silent and throw it on the floor next to the TV, face down.

"Who's that?" Luke asks, obviously crying himself.

"I don't know." I sigh, rubbing my eyes, and swearing when I remember how much eye makeup I'm wearing.

I turn back to luke. "You know you're always enough for me, right?" he whispers.

I nod, and take a deep breath to calm down. "I try to know that. I just feel like there's no way you could ever love that depressed chick that takes over my body sometimes."

He sighs and sits on the couch. I sit next to him with my head in my hands. "It's hard for me to recognize the Audrey that I love in that depressed girl sometimes."

I let out a sob, not even caring if he knows I'm crying now. "You don't get to pick and choose what parts of me you want to love."

He wraps his arms around me and tries to pull me down with him on the couch, but I lean away from him. "What?" he asks.

I wipe away the tears, though I know they'll be replaced with new ones any second. "I just need to be alone right now."

He bites his lip and sits back up. "Okay," he mutters. "If that's what you need, then I'll let you have that." He tries to kiss me but I lean away, yet again. "Right," he sighs. "Okay."