3 am (l.h.)

3.7

 Audrey

I reposition myself on the ripped couch in the day room.

Psychiatric hold in Northern Point Mental Facility- day 3 of 8.

Ashton and Michael sit across from me. It's quiet time for the new patients, but those of us that have been here two or more days and have proven ourselves to be well-behaved get to have visitors during this time.

When the boys got here, we exchanged a quick hug each, to which the nurses yelled, "No touching!" and we promptly sat on the couch.

"So," Ash begins, obviously uncomfortable. He was fine in the ER but being around the other crazies (I can say that because I'm one of them) is making both boys skittish. "Are you, um... I mean, is everything, y'know... How are you?"

I smile at him, trying to hide the pain I've been feeling and freely displaying since I got here. "I'm not gonna lie to you, Ash, I've been better."

His lips curl into a sort of sad smile. "I'm sorry you have to be here."

I shrug. "It's, uh... It's whatever, y'know? I understand why I'm here, and I want to get better."

I notice Michael wipe his eyes as he looks towards the ground. I place my hand on his shoulder, and luckily the nurses on duty are preoccupied with a patient screaming at his mom, so no one yells at me. "Mikey, why are you crying?"

"I'm... I'm not crying."

I roll my eyes. "Michael Gordon Clifford, I'd expect you to know by now that I don't fall for the tough-boy act. Why are you crying?"

He looks at me and my heart breaks a little, seeing him all red-eyed and sad. "I just want you to be okay, Auds."

And that's it for me. That's the breaking point. I don't know if it's his nice words, or him using Luke's nickname for me while Luke hasn't talked to me since that night, or the fact that I'm causing so much hurt in people, but I start sobbing. And all three of us are crying, and my heart just keeps breaking into smaller and smaller pieces but it feels freeing somehow. It's like my heart was harboring all of these terrible things, but now that it's wide open and laying out on a table, all of the bad things have seeped out.

The boys give me hugs once we all calm down, and I'm suddenly so tired. I think it's the meds. Ash helps me lay down on the couch, and Mikey kisses my temple. I whisper how much I love them, and they tell me they love me too, and before I know it, I'm drifting to sleep right there on the couch.

**********

I feel someone shaking me awake. I'm still on the day room couch. "Phone," another patient, I think her name's Alyssa, says.

I force myself up and walk over to the telephone-booth-like phones. There's one hanging off of its receiver and I pick that one up. "Hello?" I say.

"Audrey?" I hear someone say. Their voice is shaky and it sounds like they're crying.

"Yes, who is this?" I ask.

"It's-it's Luke."

"Luke? Why are you crying?"

I hear him take a loud breath between sobs. "I-I really fucked up."

____________________

It's been 84 years

I've missed y'all

Double update coming your way, hold on a min

-Lo