The Debt of Guilt [BxB]

23: after

May
1995

The next day, Peter's face was on the cover of every gossip magazine in LA.

They had used a mugshot. It had been taken back in 1989 on the night of his arrest. There was terror in his eyes, and a flash of youth that was slowly beginning to dwindle away. He had been sixteen when that photo was taken. When his life had crumbled into dust around him. Seeing it now, he realised how young he looked. Back then, it had felt like the height of maturity, spending the night in a cold holding cell, crying and breathless. But he was just a kid.

Even now, at twenty one years old, he still felt like a kid.

Peter was sat in Andrea's decadent office, eyes tracing the framed photos of actors and pop stars which lined the walls. He tried to focus on her mahogany desk, pretending it was the only thing in the room. He was ignoring Andrea and Danny and the swarm of publicists buzzing around him.

"Hey." Danny murmured, slouching into the chair beside him, "You alright?"

They were like children, called into the teacher's office, scolded and disciplined. They had created a storm of chaos. It was all so much, too much. All Peter could do was try to breathe. "Yeah." He choked out, the word twisted and strangled in his throat.

Andrea was pacing the room, talking loudly to one of the publicists who was desperately trying to take notes of everything she was saying. No one was paying much attention to Danny and Peter. They were a mess that needed cleaning up, and nothing more. "It'll be okay." Danny said quietly, "Andrea's good at this kind of thing. Damage control. Which is...y'know, useful when you're managing a twenty two year old with a coke problem." He laughed awkwardly, trying to conceal his nerves.

Peter's eyes snapped up from the mahogany desk for the first time, fixing onto Danny's pale expression; he looked tired and full of manic fear. Danny never was good at hiding behind masks; they were always thin, and slipped off easily. "You have a coke problem?" Peter asked, voice still shaking.

Danny was playing with his hands, fidgety and nervous, "I thought you knew." He chuckled again, though it was forced and shy, "I mean... At the party..."

"I knew you did coke." Peter frowned, "Didn't know it was a problem."

Danny scratched the back of his neck, eyes refusing to meet Peter's, "Everyone does it here." He mumbled, as though that made any difference.

"I suppose." Peter said flatly. He was almost relieved to be talking about something that wasn't him. His mugshot. The horror on his sixteen year old face. Danny's drug habits seemed like such an easy problem to have right now. "You always needed to be addicted to something, after all."

Danny swallowed, "What's that supposed to mean?"

Peter shrugged, eyes back on the mahogany desk. It seemed to be the only thing grounding him right now. "You're an addict. First it was acting. Then it was Scott. Now, cocaine." He explained evenly, "You're always going to be addicted to something. Just make sure it doesn't kill you, Danny."

Danny was fidgeting worse than ever, "I...I didn't-I wasn't..." He took a deep breath, "I've never been addicted to acting in the same way I'm addicted to coke." He said it like the words hurt, "And Scott...I would choose Scott over coke any day."

It was effort for Peter to keep his eyes forward. He couldn't talk about his brother if he was looking at Danny. It was too much. "I find that hard to believe." His voice was lower now, though it made no difference; no one in the room was paying them an ounce of attention.

"Why's that?" Danny was trying to keep himself under control, but everything was spinning, and thinking about Scott always drove him a little mad.

"You didn't choose Scott." Peter replied plainly. "You chose yourself."