The Debt of Guilt [BxB]

27: after

May
1995

Roy's apartment was all warmth; lots of pillow and blankets and photos of smiling faces. The kitchen was full of dirty dishes, full ashtrays, and empty vodka bottles. In the living room, framed pictures lined the walls accompanied by posters of bands Peter had never heard of. The coffee table was scattered with empty mugs, old takeout boxes, and watermark rings. It was all mess and chaos, and after spending time in the pristine luxury of Danny's mansion, it was a breath of fresh air for Peter.

"Sorry 'bout the mess." Roy smiled sheepishly, tossing a couple of beer bottles into a black bin bag, "My sister is the worst; never cleans up after herself." He emptied out the ashtray and shoved it into a drawer, "You want anything? Beer? Something a bit stronger? I have vodka."

Peter thought back to Danny's interview earlier - about the panic attack he had had in his motel room - and nodded, "Yeah. Vodka. Sounds great." He spluttered.

Roy beamed at him, then poured out a couple of shots into a pair of glasses, and added lemonade, "I was thinking, today," He said suddenly, "After our conversation - about what I wanted to do with my life." Roy continued, "I don't even know what your ambitions are."

Peter was taken aback and took a long sip of his drink to avoid answering straight away, trying not to wince at the taste of vodka. "I don't have many ambitions."

"Right." Roy chuckled, collapsing onto the sofa and patting the seat beside him, urging Peter to join him.

"I mean, I...I used to. Life just kinda...got in the way?" He wasn't sure why he worded it as a question; maybe he wanted the answers from someone else, because he didn't have any for himself.

"What did you wanna be? When you were younger?" Roy pressed as Peter sat down next to him.

"An academic." He admitted, "Sounds boring. I even thought it was boring at the time, but still, I... It's all I ever wanted really." He shrugged pathetically, "Uni, about ten degrees, maybe eventually become a professor." He hated talking about this; about the life he used to fantasise about. It made him confront just how wrong it had all gone. "It's crazy, thinking about that now. I haven't even read a book in months."

"You never ended up going to college, then?"

Peter shrugged again, helplessly, "Like I said, life got in the way."

"How so?"

"Lot of questions tonight." Peter chuckled nervously.

Roy smiled, "I wanna get to know you."

Peter looked away, trying not to let those words hurt. Because ultimately, everything that made him feel good eventually made him feel pain too. "Listen, Roy..." He took a deep breath, "My life back in England...it sort of...I mean...it's complicated." He settled on. "It's not easy, talking about my past."

"Oh." Roy's eyes were soft and apologetic, "Sorry, I didn't-"

"No, please." Peter groaned in frustrated, annoyed at himself, "It's complicated. And you... I want to keep you simple." He said, "That doesn't make sense. I'm sorry, I just-"

"It makes sense." Roy promised, "There's parts of my past I would rather...well, keep simple." He said kindly, "I'd like to keep you simple, too."

Peter was amazed that Roy was so understanding; so patient, and sweet, and non-judgemental. Amazed that he wasn't prying into Peter's past. Maybe Roy could be the one normal thing in his life.

"Right, so, I promised you a movie." Roy reached forward, picking up a DVD from the coffee table, "I'm a sucker for romcoms." He smiled bashfully, holding it up to the light.