Never Alone Again |N.R|

Long road ahead.

Once we'd both cried all of our tears, I helped Rue out of the bath and wrapped her shivering body in a warm towel. She couldn't afford to catch a cold along with everything else. I got her dressed in her favourite jumper and jogging bottoms, before wheeling her back to the Med Bay. She'd protested slightly, wanting to sleep in my bed, but she needed to remain under close observation for the coming days. As much as she seemed to be healing, the process isn't linear so we couldn't take any risks. I'd almost lost her once, and I wasn't about to risk that again. Once she was tucked back in, fresh sheets having been put on whilst we were gone, I took my usual seat beside her. I was exhausted, but for the first time since we'd returned I felt safe to fall asleep.

Rue's POV

I looked over at Natasha. She was fast asleep, huddled up on the chair next to me. From what I could tell she hadn't truly slept at all in the last two weeks, and in the weeks before that whilst I was gone. She spent every minute of the day trying to track me down, and I owed her my life for that. But now I just laid in the bed, staring up at the pristine white ceiling. Despite having only woken up from my coma a few hours ago my body begged for sleep, but I was too afraid to shut my eyes. Sure I'd been asleep for all that time but my mind hadn't been resting. It had been playing those tapes over and over in my like they'd been etched into my very being, but the most terrifying vision was that of me shooting Natasha.

In the last few days at that wretched place Madame B had told me all about my past in the Red Room and how they had deliberately wiped my mind before sending me out into the world, intending to capture me later on to finish their plan. I'm sure she would've told me more about what they were going to make me do, but thankfully I was saved. Each day I was put through a gruelling schedule of watching tapes and being beaten. I didn't think I'd last much longer, having lost any hope of life beyond those walls. In fact, even though I was now back where I belonged I couldn't help but still feel hopeless. My whole life had been a lie. I'd never known about my past, that I'd been engineered for a chosen purpose and that everything leading up to now had been a lie. Madame B had said several times that I was meant to find the Avengers, but I never quite understood what she meant by that. Luck was what brought me to them, nothing else.

I didn't even attempt to sleep. I knew that it would do more harm than good, since even with my eyes open my mind tortured itself. So for hours I just laid there, my every thought being swallowed by the darkness and silence of the room. A strange part of me almost wished I hadn't been saved, because at least in that place I was so tired at the end of everyday that sleep would always come. At least there I could close my eyes and drift off into a darkness void of pain, even the nightmares losing their power over me since they were a lot like what I was forced to watch everyday. As I lay there, a certain phrase popped into my mind and offered me comfort. "I have no place in the world." Ever since Madame B had sparked my memories of the Red Room, repeating those words over and over seemed to bring me comfort when things were getting to be too much. Doing so grounded me, reminded me that it was all real and that it wasn't another cruel trick by my mind.

For the rest of the night I repeated the phrase over and over in a whisper, until eventually morning came and Natasha woke up with a stretch. I just continued to stare up at the ceiling whilst whispering to myself, focused on staying calm. "What's that?" I heard Natasha speak, but I was too zoned out to answer her. She reached over and held my hand, ripping me from my trance, before posing the question again. "Rue, what's that you're saying?" I first looked down at her hand before fixing my gaze on her, still processing the words that had just left her mouth.

"Oh um, nothing." She furrowed her eyebrows at me, finding it hard to accept that answer.

"Okay. But Rue, you know you can talk to me? I'm not leaving your side until you're all better, and even then I'm keeping a close eye on you." She brushed my hair out of my face with her other hand, smiling at me warmly. I just nodded, mouthing the phrase under my breath now as to avoid Natasha noticing.