These Violent Delights Have Violent Ends

Chapter 3: 505

Coming up on a few weeks until the next round of games began, things started to ramp up in terms of your workload. Your time was spent finalizing logistics for recruiting players, continuing to train guards, and generally making sure everything was running smoothly from the big picture to the little details. After your encounter with drunken In-ho that night, things were fairly quiet between you two.

He hadn't gone out of his way to put you down, but he simply chose to not interact with you. It was refreshing to not hear his subtle digs all the time, but being given the cold shoulder over and over again made you feel more lonely than usual. Though he was incredibly mean to you, he's also the only one that knows exactly what you're going through. And a small part of you longed for a connection with someone who could understand your experience.

But why should his opinion of you matter? It was quite confusing to think about. You felt better when he was criticizing you because... at least it meant that what you did mattered.

You knew it mattered either way, but you still felt tormented by him.

Another part of you wanted to make him acknowledge your hard work. You deserved that much at the very least. And it'd be so satisfying to finally hear him say it.

Fuck. Why did it matter so much to you? These thoughts wracked your brain frequently. It felt like a game. Just another game to figure out and survive.

~~~

One night, as you were reading before going to sleep, you heard In-ho in the main room singing along to the music again, just like the night he confronted you. You wanted to ignore him, but it was impossible with the loud music and off-tune singing. Since he'd been completely ignoring you, you felt comfortable leaving your room to make yourself a strong drink, something to ease your mind and help you fall asleep. You threw on a black robe to cover yourself and walked to the main room.

As you approached the side table, In-ho noticed you and immediately stopped singing. He eyed you as you poured yourself some whiskey from the glass decanter, avoiding eye contact but keeping confident body language. You drank the entire thing in one sitting and set the glass down on the table, walking back towards your room.

As you settle back into bed, you hear In-ho pour himself another drink and turn the music back on. This time, a new song is playing, Solitude by Billie Holiday. Since he wasn't singing anymore, it was easy to fall asleep.

~~~

You didn't dream much, but that night you dreamt vividly. In your dream, you awoke in your bedroom, hearing the music that In-ho was playing when you fell asleep. But you weren't on the island. You were in your apartment.

You got out of bed and walked to your living room, noticing In-ho sitting on a chair on your balcony facing away from you. The chair was the same one from the main room in your residence on the island.

On your coffee table was an old record player you didn't own, playing the same song as before. You were suddenly filled with an overwhelming feeling of sadness, looking at In-ho taking a sip of his drink while looking at the view.

"I sit in my chair / Filled with despair / There's no one could be so sad / With gloom everywhere / I sit and I stare / I know that I'll soon go mad"

As the music played you studied In-ho, and you began to quietly sob. You didn't know why you were sad, but you couldn't control it. The tears wouldn't stop. You fell to your knees and covered your face with your hands, trying to breathe. The music stopped abruptly and you looked up to see a masked In-ho standing in front of you, holding his hand out towards you just like he did after the final game.