Another Look

Chapter 16

The next morning Rory regretted having postponed a week of sessions with Cara. She clearly had not been ready for that. While Logan attended to Leah taking her out to a larger playground few blocks away, Rory sat down at her laptop to do her therapy homework.

She needed to write about herself as Logan's fiance and future wife, yet this role was perhaps one of the most complex and ignoring all of their history proved most challenging. After minutes of hesitation, she finally wrote, and largely without thinking simply forcing words appear.

I, Lorelai Leigh 'Rory' Gilmore, am soon going to be the wife of Logan Elias Huntzberger. I am about to permanently change roles from the small-town girl who struggles with her career to the potential heiress of an international media company, which opens new doors for me and at the same time limits my options. This role, as Logan's fiance, comes with both it's perks and disadvantages. One one hand I live with the knowledge that I am finally in the relationship that was decades into the making, overcoming all the obstacles we faced, already proving so many people wrong but more importantly I get to be with the person I belong with; it'll also means financial security like I've never really envisioned, I could easily live with less; I know I am taken care of - whether it is making sure I'm fed or calming me down when I am on the verge of breaking, I know he will do whatever it takes; yet there is the unwanted media attention, the half-obligatory game of the society - keeping up appearances, the never-ending commute and travelling what comes with Logan's job, getting caught up in his family's mind-games, having to always think what I do and say and how I do it. However, what is most important is that I am in love and I am loved. I am thoughtless sometimes, and I guess he takes care of me more than I take care of him. I want to do more for him.

I care too much about what others think. I look at my mother, I think about what my grandparents think, my father and Luke, the opinion of my friends matters, but as they seem to understand, I have no doubts from them to factor in. I never want Leah to struggle in her life just because I left Finn for Logan, or her to think she is any less important to me than Logan is or any of our future children we might have. If I could just stop caring about what other people thought, I think I really could be happy.

***

"It sucks that you are leaving for so long, you know," Paris said, wrapped up in a bedsheet, her head resting on his chest.

"I know," Finn replied. While he looked forward to his trip, the idea just had lost some of its appeal ever since he got together with Paris and she had said 'no' to coming with him. Yet he felt like he needed to go through with it for his own sake. His fingers played with her blonde short hair, enjoying her scent, while her hand was wrapped around his core.

Paris wanted to express more, she knew she'd fallen for him badly, her mind was distracted on most days, and she longed to see him again, even if just briefly. Still the words terrified her. Despite the strong independent woman that Paris was, she was terrified of the three little words.

"Finn, I've been thinking a lot," Paris began building up her courage, "and there really is no doubt in my mind that it is the truth, " she delayed. "I am in love with you, I love you, Finn," she said raising her head from his chest and looking straight at him, feeling a rush of endorphins the moment the words left her mouth. Her cheeks blushed gently, as she stared at his bright blue eyes.

"You really don't want me to leave do you?" he replied, laughingly.

"Finn," she began, feeling disappointed he did not reply with what she'd hoped. Paris had never quite been so needy for affection as this, as it was the thing to make her less scared about putting herself out there. "You're seriously not going to respond with anything more than that?" she replied angrily, rising to sit from her previous comfortable position against his bare side.