All in the Past

Tell me how you feel

Chapter 38: Tell me how you feel

Lauren

I've been completely torn up about Harry admitting his feelings to me. I want to tell him how I feel but then we'll just end up back where we were except this time instead of Niall being in the way it's Kendall and our management. We screwed up our relationship the first time because we didn't want to hurt Niall and now they don't want us together.

"Give me exact words?" Niall crunched down on a chip.

"I can't." I cried, "I'm still processing."

"How about a quick summary?" Ross asked.

"Something along the lines of 'I still have feelings for you.'" I shrugged, "I have no idea what to do."

"Tell him how you feel." Camila chimmed in, "He deserves to know."

"It won't do any good. We can never be." I said sadly.

"What's with you guys and beaches?" Normani asked.

I just sighed. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know how to handle this without making matters worse.

There was a knock at the door and I looked at it, "Liam?" I asked Ally.

"No. I told him not to come today." Ally shook her head.

I got up and walked to the door and opened it. I came face to face with Clark.

He smiled at me, "Hey beautiful."

I screamed in excitement and jumped into his arms, "I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too." I hugged him tighter.

"Despite my name I'm not superman so don't break me." He joked.

I laughed and let go of him, "What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in college, college boy?"

"Can't a college boy take a break and see his best friend?" He walked in and I closed the door behind him, "So what did I miss."

I shook my head and led him to the living room where I filled him in on what's been going on from real Niall and I to fake Harry and I to real Harry and I to fake Ross and I then back to Harry and I. I could tell that he was in complete shock when he just stared at me. I waved my hand in front of him but he said nothing. I snapped my fingers in front of his face and he came back to the real world. 

"I missed a lot." He finally said.

"Clark."  he seemed like he was snapped out of some sort of trans.

"Huh?" He shook his head, "How long was I out?"

"Haha. Funny." I leaned back against the couch, "I don't know what to do. My stomach is in knots over this."

"You have to decide what you want and make it happen." Clark was the first one to give me some sort of advice.

"How do I do that? I'm just one person who is still trying to figure out what's right?"

"You don't have to do this alone and there is no right answer Lauren, " Clark tried to comfort me, "You just have to follow your heart."

"But what if it leads me off a cliff? " I asked.

"It's a risk you'll have to take if you want Harry as badly as we think you do." Ross jumped in, "I see the way you look at him. That's true love."

True love? What is true love?

"I don't know what I want. I spent a long time trying to get over Harry only to have him crush my heart when he was with Kendall. What if we can't recover from everything we've been through? What if we're better as friends?" I said everything I was thinking, "I'm scared."

"Harry already took the first step in declaring his love to you all you have to do is say it back and he'll be yours." Camila said slowly, "it's that simple."

"I need to breathe. I need a walk." I got up off the couch and left without another word.

I wanted someone to tell me what's right but it seem like anyone could do that for me. I had to somehow figure this out on my own. Maybe I needed a sign or something.

"Lauren?" I heard the last voice that I expected.

"What do you want?" I asked Jade.

"I didn't expect to run into here. I was contemplating whether or not to come in or not."

"What do you want?" I repeated myself.

"Right. I came to apologize for kissing Harry when you two were together. I was just jealous and I wanted you to feel what I felt when you kissed my boyfriend." She explained herself.

"Why did you choose to say sorry now?" I questioned her.

"Because the guilt has been eating me up inside and I really feel horrible about what I did to you. I remember seeing the way that Harry and Niall looked at you and I didn't think it was fair. I just wanted someone to look at me the same way."

"Well thanks but I don't want your apology. You can go now. "

"Lauren." She tried to come closer to me but I stepped back.

"Don't. "

"I didn't mean to upset you. I'll leave."

"Thank you." I said as she left me alone with my thoughts.

I immediately pushed her out of my mind and thought about Harry.

Love hurts I thought. Why does it have to be so hard? Why couldn't we just be together without all the stupid extra drama?

"Lauren?" Clark came up to me and hugged me, "It will be okay."

"I know it will be but I need to make the right choice. I need to not be selfish for a change and put him first."

"You wouldn't be selfish if you told him how you felt. He told you how he felt because he followed his heart...... maybe it was about time that you followed yours."

I nodded my head and he kissed my forehead and hugged me tighter.

"Can you drive me over there?" I asked.

"Gladly." He smiled down at me.

Harry

"You did what?" Liam practically screamed at me.

"I told her that I still love her." I repeated myself, "I had to. You remember what happened last time I waited so long."

"Yes but management doesn't want the two of you together. You already tried that and last time she chose to let you and Niall go." Liam argued.

"Doesn't make me love her less; it makes me love her more. It's not like we can change anything. I told her and now the ball is in her court."

"And if she decides to be with you then what?" I knew Liam was mad, "MANAGEMENT DOESN'T WANT YOU TOGETHER AND NIALL WOULD BE HEARTBROKEN. HE LOVES LAUREN. IS SHE REALLY WORTH GIVING UP EVERYTHING WE'VE WORKED FOR?"

"Would you give it up for Ally?" I asked him and I saw the anger changed to sadness.

He didn't answer my question.

"Thought so." I got up from the chair and started heading to my room.

I didn't need to get this from him of all people. I told Lauren and no one could change that.

"I'm sorry." I heard Liam say, "I didn't mean to snap it's just that I don't want anything dividing us."

The doorbell rang at that moment.

"I've got it." I walked over to the door and opened it.

My heart immediately started to beat out of my chest.

"Can we talk?" Lauren asked.

"Come in." I moved out of the way to let her in and she smiled at me.

I didn't know what was going to happen but I really hope that she's here because she loves me to. I don't know what I would do if I lost her again.