Papa can I kill you

Chapter 27

I felt oddly warm and very comfortable like I was in a big warm hug. I opened my eyes to see a chest and looked up to see my father's sleeping face. 'He's still asleep. This guy either sleeps like the dead or doesn't get enough sleep.' I continued to admire his excellent and well-developed face. 'Why couldn't I be born a ikemen?' My father turned in his sleep resulting in him hugging me even tighter. "Kayveli." Again I hear him whisper that name. 'He must be very desperate for his long lost crush. I mean he is just calling her day in and day out.' I rested against my father's chest and decided to sleep again.

I was in a field of flowers, well, to be more specific, a field of what looked like red spider lilies. I looked down to find a single daffodil. 'Well, in the language of flowers, I shall live forever.' Just kidding, I have no idea what the language of flowers is. I picked the daffodil and looked back up to see my father in the far distance looking at me. 'Why do I feel a shiver go up my back.' I furrowed my brows and watched as my father outstretched his hand towards me. 'Totally not threatening. I want to leave.' I turned back, ready to head the opposite way, but for some weird reason, I just couldn't help but glance back like some desperate kid wanting attention.

I look to see my father gone. The field of flowers was still here, but there was no one else but me. I looked at the daffodil in my hands as it started wilting until even the ash was carried away by the wind. "Noona!" I heard that familiar voice call out. I looked around like an insane person trying to find her. "Yeong!" I called back out, but I didn't get a reply.

"Help us!" Another voice called out from somewhere. "Hina!" I shouted, but it seemed as if the voices were resonating from inside my head and not around me. I covered my ears, squatting down. "This is a dream! This isn't real! Wake up now Seong Rima! Wake up!" No matter how much I screamed to myself in waking up, I never woke up. 'Come on! This is just the nightmares talking! It's not the first time!' I hit my head with my fists, trying to let the pain wake me up. "Enough dammit! Show yourself, you fucking coward!" I stood back up, shouting at my surroundings. There was only a blue sky with a field of red flowers and nothing else, even on the endless horizon. "We've gone through this multiple times! Aren't you tired of the same thing?!" I looked like a madman shouting at nothing, but I know they are listening; they always are. Joyfully watching me despair and fall, crumple into a mess of disaster.

"Save us." I heard their voices whisper right into my ear. I stopped my movements as their cries for help brought me back to that one moment in time. Again they cried out for me. I was drowning with their pleas, echoing through my ears and head. Those words kept resounding through my body. The ringing grew louder as they screamed for me to help them. I couldn't do anything to help. 'Why can't I help them?' I couldn't do anything for them. 'Why didn't I stop?' I couldn't protect them. 'Why couldn't I save them? Why am I so useless? Why am I so pathetic?! Why is it that I'm still alive?!' I felt like my head was about to split open, but I couldn't do anything. From the past to even now, I am still powerless and hopeless.

I opened my eyes, and for several moments I couldn't feel my heartbeat. I couldn't breathe. My back felt like it was on fire, but my limbs felt numb. 'Am I still alive?' I felt scared to move. If I moved, then I might die. 'Why is death never reaching me?' As that thought hit me my fingers twitched, followed by my toes. Slowly I regained all my senses. I sighed heavily, relaxing my body into the bed, hoping I would melt into it. 'I want to sleep. I'm so tired.' This unrested feeling was familiar to me. The nights where I was woken by my nightmares and couldn't sleep after. Medication that almost caused my nightmares to be the end of me. The collapse of my body after several days of insomnia. It's a never-ending cycle. 'I feel so drained. I don't want to hold on anymore.' I looked at my blanket in a daze. My mind was back to my old life as Seong Rima. A name that is steadily becoming more and more foreign to me and a name that continues to haunt me. Who am I? I can't tell? I feel so confused. 'I want to-' I paused in my thought, looking up at the door. After a few knocks, the door opened up to reveal my nanny.