bloodthirsty // heathers au

nine

JD

"I'm sorry," Veronica whispered to me that night as we settled in a hotel we'd be staying at until we found an apartment. We were in Pittsburgh, which I liked better than Sherwood already. Sherwood was a small town and boring. Pittsburgh is one of the biggest cities in the US. Anyways, Grace was asleep in her playpen and the room was quiet before Veronica spoke. The only light source was the flickering TV playing infomercials on mute.

"What for, darling?" I asked her, making sure my voice was syrupy sweet.

"Getting an abortion." She mumbled. "I thought I was going to be a single mom and I knew I couldn't raise two kids alone." She explained why she did it.

"I understand." I told her quietly. She curled up into my side and looked up at me in the dark with those big brown eyes.

"Are you really gonna stop hitting me?" She questioned, sounding nervous to ask this.

"I'm going to try." I answered her. "I don't like hitting you, V." I admitted to her, even though it was a lie. I did like hitting her, quite a bit actually. I had no idea how I was going to stop.

"Maybe you should try smoking weed. It calms people down." She offered her idea of medication to keep me happy. "I like it." She went on softly as she buried her head into my neck. The waves of brown hair slightly tickled against my skin.

"I know, V." I chuckled. She had told me that she enjoyed being high but she didn't like the smell a ton. She worried a lot about it making Grace smell and that she'd get take away by CPS. But before she found out she was pregnant, she smoked a decent bit. It was her usual method of escapism after I found out that she was a frequent drinker, with a borderline alcohol addiction, and I urged her to stop because my father is a drunk. She started smoking every night instead of drinking. The benefit was the same - she could actually sleep.

Bonus, the weed didn't put her into a pissy mood either. When she's high, she's quite pleasant to be around. All she wants after smoking is to play Nintendo games and cuddle. And talk, you couldn't forget talking. She didn't always get chatty and usually just wanted to listen to me talk instead of actually having a conversation.

"It smells though." She said finally, dragging me out of my thoughts. I could feel her nose scrunching up against my skin as she pictured the smell of weed.

"You should get some sleep." I told her as she yawned.

"Why?" She queried facetiously.

"Because your daughter's going to be up in a few hours." I reminded her.

"Oh yeah," She jokingly remembered. "I love you." She added, snuggling closer into me.

"I love you too, V." I told her, planting a kiss on her head as I listened to her slowly drifting off to sleep.

I thought about killing her while she slept. Granted, I always thought about that. I thought about killing everyone and Veronica was not off-limits. The only person who was would be Grace. It would be easy to kill Veronica. A simple slot across the vein on her neck while she sleeps and she'd be gone in a matter of moments. But see, that's the thing, she'd be gone. There's no undoing death. If I kill her, I would never get her back. She'd be gone forever. I could never bring myself to do it, even though I contemplated it every single night.

She has a god complex, convinced that she's above me because she doesn't kill people. She's obsessed with being a good person and has yet to realize she's a teen mom who everyone hates. I want to kill god, Veronica is god because our love is god. But nonetheless, I convinced myself not to kill her yet again before I fell asleep too.

I was woken up around five hours after I fell asleep by the sound of Grace's morning babbling. I shook Veronica awake. "Grace." I said to her. Veronica always liked to be the one to greet Grace every morning, she claimed it made a secure attachment between them. She sat up and yanked the blanket off of herself before getting up to get Grace. She clapped her hands and smiled at our little girl.

"Good morning, sunshine!" She trilled at Grace, her voice high pitched and sweet.

"Mama, mama." Grace babbled in reply, lifting up her chubby arms towards her mother. I sat up in bed and started truly waking up. I lit my morning cigarette.

"Let's sit in bed before breakfast." Veronica told Grace as she hoisted her up onto her hip. She sat back down on the bed with me and let Grace out of her arms. She grabbed the cigarette and took a drag before passing it back to me.

"Morning, sweet girl." I said to Grace as I ruffled her short blonde hair.

"Dada!" She exclaimed at me as she crawled in between her mother and I. This was the life I longed for and I wished that Veronica hadn't gotten the abortion, that there'd soon be another baby in bed with us. I decided I should propose that idea to Veronica, since we've made up.

"Hey V," I began to speak up about it to her.

"Yeah?" She asked, her voice sounding groggier than when she spoke to Grace.

"I really think we should have another baby." I told her to which she laughed heartily as she shook her head.

"Let's find a place to live before we're popping out another kid." She offered her perspective on the situation.

"We'll find a place today, we should start trying." I argued with her as Grace started to clap. It was Grace's way of trying to ease the brewing tension between Veronica and I. She had lots of little tricks to try and distract us from arguing.

"Can we move in before we do anything? I don't think that sort of thing is appropriate with Grace in the same room." She explained part of why she was saying no so strongly.

"I completely agree. But we'll be in somewhere tonight. We'll get a mattress and the essentials." I assured her that we'd have an apartment tonight. Yet, she was still hesitant. "What else is stopping you?" I asked, doing my best to keep my voice calm and steady. I wasn't trying to frighten her and I tended to do that easily. To be fair, she's skittish.

"I'd like to see you prove yourself in not hurting me before I commit to something like another baby." She informed me, her tone nervous regardless of my cool nature.

"Okay." I said, throwing my hands up to surrender. Veronica looked surprised, as did Grace. "When you feel the timing is right, bring it up to me. Until then, I won't bother you about it." I added.

"Really?" She questioned.

"Yes." I answered. "I understand that you want this pregnancy to be different from your first and in order for that to happen, you need to trust me all the way. You won't have a baby until that point because you want it to be your choice. Since I haven't done anything to build that trust, I understand your reservations. As soon as you're ready, it'll happen because I'm ready now." I explained why I was being so relaxed with her. I really was trying to prove myself to her.

Besides, most people want to be in god's good graces. What makes me any different?