pretty best friends | jakehoon

27. a good person isn't a perfect person

"Was I too mean?" Jake asked, laying on his bed. So the trio were having a sleepover at Jake's because it was "too dangerous to go home" (okay Jungwon). Niki sighed for what felt like the 10th time since he got there after Jungwon called him, "this is the 3rd time we're telling you what you did was right, get over it." Jake glared at him, "I'm serious, I basically told him he has problems, and that's really not my place"

"It's your place if he keeps insisting on going out with you despite having problems" Jungwon said, walking in with a bag of chips that Niki quickly snatched from his hands. Jake sighed again and got up, "it's not his fault we were trapped in there" he said, before realization hit him.

Jake suddenly pounced on Jungwon, making the two of them drop on the floor as Jake began to tickle him aggressively. Niki ignored the scene in front of him, chewing slowly on his chips. "S-Stop it" Jungwon said between laughing fits, "it wasn't m-me"

"Only you would think of something like that" Jake said, never ceasing his actions. "I-It was Heeseung, I swear" he finally said, and Jake finally paused. He sighed and got off of Jungwon, sitting against the bed frame. A silence filled the room as Jungwon struggled to catch his breath and Jake stared emptily at the floor. Jungwon sighed, "so what's the real issue?" He asked, silence taking over the room again as Jake thought about that confusing question.

"I'm scared" he finally admitted. The two boys looked at him, "I'm really scared of myself and my emotions, because I like him so goddamn much that I can't even look him in the eye when I tell him I can't be with him. I'm scared I'll just break down and go to him, and put up with all his toxic traits because when I look at him I only remember the laughing and the blushing and that one really amazing kiss we had on my birthday and I'm scared those memories will screw over everything I've worked towards.

"I'm scared of what I'll become when I find out he moved on, that he didn't need me that much anyways, that there's someone who can put up with him so he decided he would stop wasting his time on me.

"But the thing that's holding all of these fears back is the biggest fear of them all. I'm so scared of trusting him. Or anyone for that matter. I've put it into my head that I can't trust anyone. Even if Sunghoon was this perfect guy that I imagined him to be, I know deep down that I would've messed everything up myself because I can't trust anyone anymore.

"Everything I've gone through has led me to become this closed off person and no one deserves that in a lover. And yes, I've been staying away from him because the things he says are so god awful it makes me want to rip my ears out but I also stay away because I'm not good for him either. I would drive anyone crazy with how I learned to stay silent, to not have an opinion, to listen to everything I'm asked. I know I just sound pathetic but it's true, I can't put him through that just as much as he shouldn't be able to put me through all his bullshit." The room remained silent after that as the trio processed all this new information.

"You know," Jungwon finally said, making Jake look up at him, "when Heeseung first told me about how he wanted to force you guys to talk I was really against it."

"Really against it" Niki added, joining the two boys on the floor. "But then he said something that just made me look at this whole situation in a new light, and suddenly there was no good guy and no bad guy, just 2 vulnerable teenagers who have no clue how to handle their feelings." Jake looked at him, his eyes suddenly glistening with curiosity, "what did he say?"

Jungwon stared into his eyes as he tried to deliver his message as sincerely as possible. "He said-"

"You look like shit" Heeseung said as he walked into Sunghoon's messy room for the third time that week. "You really need to get your shit together, I'm tired of this place."

"It's raining really hard today" Jay said as he instantly began to pick up empty chip bags and Heeseung was ready to grab the vacuum when suddenly Sunghoon spoke. "Guys?" He asked, looking at his two best friends with a look that could only be classified as sadness, "I really screwed up, didn't I?"

The other two glanced at each other in complete shock before taking a seat next to the boy, showing that they were listening. "It's just, every time he mentioned what was wrong with me I'd get so hurt and so defensive, but then when I thought about it he was right every time. I did victimize myself and I did try to convince him that he was the problem, even if I didn't realize it.

"So now that I've discovered that I'm a fucking horrible person I just want to stay away from him but God—I can't. I can't stop thinking about him, every morning I want to send him a text, every night I want to call him until we fall asleep, during the day I just want to see his smile, but I'm not good for him, or anyone for that matter." Sunghoon sighed, finally able to release all this weight in his shoulders with the people he trusted the most.

"I don't like you hanging out with Wonyoung" Heeseung suddenly said, confusing Sunghoon. "What-"

"I don't like that you hang out with her all the time, it's like you like her more. How do we know you're not gonna make her your best friend instead of us?" Heeseung finished, looking Sunghoon dead in the eye. Sunghoon was beyond confused, "what are you-"

"I agree," Jay joined in, "just stay away from her, matter of fact stay away from everyone, you can only hang out with us, okay? I don't want to see you talking to anyone else even for a pencil."

"What are you guys on ab-oh" he interuppted himself, then cringed, "is that how I sounded?" The duo nodded, "those were like, the exact vibes you were sending, no wonder the poor boy got scared." Sunghoon sighed again, burying his face in his hands in frustration, "How did I screw things up with my trust issues, I'm such an idiot."

"An idiot? Yes. A horrible person? Not even close" Heeseung stated, "the fact that you even felt bad about what you said proves that you're a good person. A good person isn't a perfect person, it's a person that realizes they're not perfect but still recognize and right their wrongs. And here you are, recognizing your wrongs." 

"All that's left to do it right them" Jay added. Sunghoon's head was scrambled, what he thought was a suggestion from harmless jealousy was really, what he now realized as deep underlying trust issues. "I can't," he finally said, "Jake won't have anything to do with me, he said he's not strong enough to clean up after my mess."

"That was before, when your apologies weren't genuine, when you didn't realize your wrongs. But this is you now, if you try this one last time, feeling the way you feel now, then at least you can go out of it knowing you did your best."

"I can't—I don't want to involve him in my mess, I'll just drag him down."

"He's already helped you insanely, you've never been this open and honest with us, ever, not even after your mom. He's good for you, he's helping you."

"Still, there's no way he'd even begin to listen to me, he hates my guts." Sunghoon finally said, string at the floor. His head was a mess of thoughts, realizations, hesitations. The looked outside at the rainy window, which didn't help his thoughts, but then-

"You still haven't given Jake his umbrella back?" Jay asked, making Sunghoon look at him in confusion, "what?" Jay pointed at the purple striped umbrella sitting in the corner of the room, "that's Jake's, Jungwon told me to ask like a few days ago, but I guess I forgot."

Sunghoon shook his head, "that can't be Jake's because someone gave it to-" Sunghoon stopped, the pieces suddenly coming together. Jake gave him the umbrella? And the snacks and the clothes? Was he worried? He worried about Sunghoon? He still cared?

Sunghoon suddenly stood up and grabbed the umbrella, ruining towards the bedroom door and shocking the duo. "Wait! Where the hell are you going in this weather at this time of night?" They asked in shock, Sunghoon looked back at them with a determined face.

"I'm giving Jake his umbrella back"