I'll look after you

chapter six

It's been a couple of hours since Hayla left and I've spent the day with Mikey. We're at his bookstore and I wait for him to close up.

"Alek remember the girl I was telling you about this morning. Ya so, I sort of maybe asked her out on a date.", he says quickly while locking up the door.

"good for you man", is all I can say.

"ya, it would be good for me if we both hadn't chickened out. We basically agreed that she and her friend would both come ad you and I would come. I mean it is not going to be a blind date or anything, you can bring whoever you want as your date cuz I'm sure her friend is going to bring a date of her own.", He rambles knowing that I won't agree with this and I don't.

"Absolutely not."

"c'mon man, you owe me remember... ", He reminds me. Ah yes, the night where I needed him to go out with a girl in order to broker a deal with her dad. She was horrid and I'm glad it was him. In retrospect what he did was hard so I guess a date wouldn't kill me.

"fine. the things I do for you", I shake my head.

"Absolutely not!", I exclaim.

"please hay, it's only a one-time thing", Amy begs.

I continue glueing my project together, " who would I take anyway"

"what about that guy Erin from you're physics class?", she suggests.

" I've had a max of four interactions with that guy, I can't just ask him.", I scoff at the ridiculousness of this situation. the guilt gets to me. "fine, I'll figure it out."

god, I'm such a pushover sometimes.

" thankyouthankyouthankyou", she says her mouth moving a million miles per second.

I've pulled an all-nighter working on this project. so it's no surprise that I wake up on my desk with paper glued to my face and my hair is a mess. It doesn't help that I have to find a date for tomorrows triple date or whatever the fuck Amy signed me up for. I'm not one to get close and touchy with people so I guess this counts as a new thing that I get to do in new york. 

I get dressed and head for my 10 am physics class. The walks to my classes are always my favourite because it's so calm. all I have to do is just put in my earphones and I'm good to go. 

I arrive at my class and take a seat beside Erin. He's a nice guy, super smart and has the looks and charm to back it up. He does seem like a good guy to ask out. 

We listen to the professor talk for two hours and just as we stand to leave I look at Erin, take a deep breath and ask, "Hey, so I know that we don't exactly know each other all that well but I need a date for a dinner that I was invited to tomorrow as a triple date or whatever the fuck its called and I wanted to ask you cuz, to be honest, you are like the third person I've talked to from the male variation since I moved and I think you seem like a really nice dude and what better way to get two know each other than go out with two other couples.", that was a mouth full. That's it. I messed this up. I scared him away. 

"This is tomorrow?", he asks.

"I know it's short notice and I really didn't have a say in the date but my friend Amy sai-", he interrupts with a smile and says, "text me the details and ill meet you there".

we exchange numbers and head separate ways. That was easier than I thought it was.  I spend the rest of my day in classes and working on my projects.

It's days like these that I remember why I love my major. it's all so fascinating. it combines my love for math and art is beautifully crafted into this thing called architecture. Art held such an important role growing up. When my entire world felt suffocated I only needed to take out my sketchbook and draw out my anger. as much as I hate to say it I get my art skills from my mom. She was one of the most talented artists I've ever known. I really hope that her art skills are the only thing I genetically inherited from her. Not to be dramatic but I would rather die than end up like her.

My parents have gotten better the more I grew up but they continued to hurt me nonetheless. I. have them to thank for all my problems today. Everyone talks about how after all the trauma you end up stronger but no one tells you about how lonely it is being strong. I don't doubt my strength but I will forever hold resentment towards my parents and sister. problem is that resentment is poison. It's the type that takes its time, torturing you with what-ifs and what could have been. until it gets to you. My parents... they hurt me and manipulated me, gaslighted me and left me confused. 

I remember the nights when I cried so much I had to cover my mouth so that I didn't wake anyone up. every single panic attack I've had floats through my head. too many to count but too painful to forget. 

But I'm here now. 

I had no trouble finding a date. not to sound narcissistic or anything. Maddison or Mindy.. whatever her name is has been latched onto me for weeks after what was supposed to be a one night stand.

Don't get me wrong, she's attractive but she's not a certain somebody whose name I shall not think off. tomorrow is not a day I look forward to but I owe him so I guess that's my only motivation.