I'll look after you

Chapter eight

It's been two weeks since the catastrophic date. I guess I'm partially to blame for the catastrophe. It's just that, watching Hayla and Erin all cosied up next to each other really triggered me. 

I'm not sure why. I definitely don't have feelings for that girl. I think. Then why did it sort of hurt seeing her with that guy? I've spent years making sure I don't care about someone enough for them to possibly hurt me. Let alone a girl I barely know. 

I knew that he was a good guy. He radiated Mr. perfect. He looked decent and was incredibly smart. I hated seeing them together. 

I. HATED. IT.

ughhhhhh. what the hell is happening to my brain. 

It's hard not to feel bad about the whole debacle.  I haven't seen or heard about Hayla since that day. It feels strange that I want to apologise to her. She wasn't exactly nice either but I started it ill build up the courage to apologise sometime soon. 

I can't believe this is what im worried about. I never would have thought I would be putting effort to make sure a girl forgave me. for some reason, I feel like I couldn't live with myself if she didn't forgive me. I sound like a lovesick idiot. 

speaking of lovesick, Mikey is head over heels for Amy. Who would have thought? the player finally met his match. Boy, are they a match. He's always smiling and he hasn't been to a single club or bar ever since that date. That's world record for him. It's funny because I going over to his dorm and I see him and Amy passed out on the couch together is actually really, adorable?

I am so stressed out. which is why I am in such a shitty mood. That and the fact that my family just showed up at my door right now is not helping. The very opposite actually.

"what are you guys doing here", I ask them.

"I can't see my daughter?", my dad replies.

My dad never hurt me physically or mentally as my mom had. But the resentment I carry towards him is greater than what I do for her because he did nothing.

"you can.", I say and I let them in.  they make their way into my small dorm room. 

"how's school going?", my mom asks. Of course, that's what she asks about. not how are u or how are you doing, just about school. That's her problem. she tries to pretend that she's done nothing to me. 

" Mama, im sorry", I sob as she fists my shirt against the wall.

" You're lazy, absolutely worthless. I regret the day that I gave birth to you.", She yells at my face. I cry even more. 

"Stop crying! you're not a child", with that she slaps me and lets me go. I fall to the floor. She walks towards my closet and throws out all my clothes into a trash bag. I stare at her from my position on the floor. 

"you dress like a slut you know that. all of your clothes make you look like a hooker", she screamed. 

im only twelve. 

things are a chaotic blur of my tears. All I hear is the sound of her voice. I want to breathe but my throat is clogged. No one cares. she heads towards the window of our apartment and throws my clothes out. they travel 13 floors down. I don't care about them. 

She leaves my room with a bang. I wished for the calm after the storm but my moms' yelling continues through the house. I scramble into the bathroom and lock the door. the only door that locks. I pull my legs to my chest and so the panic attack begins.

suddenly my mom is banging the door.

"Hayla if you don't open this door I will break it"

My panic attack continues. 

To. much. noise.

" HAYLA, HAYLA", she's screaming and I sob. I can't breathe.  I want to stop breathing.

I snap out of the flashback. 

"Hayla answer your mother", my dad says with a serious tone. 

" schools okay, a lot of stress but nothing I didn't prepare for.", I bullshit.

"good. good.", my dad nods.

"I was thinking we could all have food tomorrow and we could spend some time as a family."

huh ya. A 'family'. I look over at my sister and she's just quiet.

"okay. we can do that."

We all agree to meet at 7 pm and we can all go have dinner. I hate everything about this because I know we're just going to end up arguing.

My parents leave but my sister hangs back and tells me, "Don't mess this up Hayla."

with that, she leaves. they all think that im the one who creates messes in this family. that im to blame. I'm used to it.

later on that day Amy walks in. She has the biggest smile plastered across her face. That's how I know she was with Mike. These two have been together consistently since the date. Amy only talks about him. She gives me all the details about how he's so sweet and how he's so good in bed. She really likes him. which is why, if he breaks her heart ill break his neck. After all, I am my mother's daughter. 

Amy and I talk for a while and I explain how my parents are here for the week and how im not excited about it in the slightest. I fall asleep knowing that tomorrow is going to hurt.