I'll look after you

chapter nine

I've been dreading this dinner all day long. Every time I think of it my anxiety spikes. It's sad how a meal with your family can be something you dread rather than look forward to.

nonetheless, I have to get it over with, which means opening the door that my dad is currently knocking on.  I open the door and leave with them. the cab ride to the restaurant was awkwardly silent. We arrived and took our seats. My dad orders food for us all and so begins the talking. the worst part.

"Please tell me this isn't what you usually wear out. Hayla that dress is way too short! what were you thinking? what boys are you trying to attract?", my mom interrogates. 

I look over at my dad to see if he also sees how ridiculous she's being. I don't know why I still expect him to stand up for me. a small part of me wishes he would have tried. 

"Mama, it's just a dress. Is this seriously how you want to continue this dinner? It's been 7 years and you still want to argue?", I confront.

"Don't talk back to me girl"

"Speaking the truth is not talking back."

my mum slaps me across the face. just like that, I break.

"Don't you dare touch me!"

"hayla you're making a scene", my dad says, hoping that he would calm me but it's too late. something inside me snapped.

"you know what, I WILL make a scene. all you've done is made me feel like I'm 'too much to handle like I wasn't good enough. It's because of YOU that when someone comforts me I can't fathom the fact that someone cares. I've looked after myself my whole life. You never held my hand when I cried as you did hers-", I say pointing at my sister," and not once have you ever tried to get to know me. You know how painful it is for me to see you two all mother and daughter while I feel lost because my mother doesn't give a shit about me!"

"WATCH YOUR MOUTH YOUNG LADY, THAT IS YOUR MOTHER", my dad gets angry. My mom takes this opportunity to gaslight me like she's done time and time again.

"I'm such a bad mother right! im such a bad mother for caring if my daughter doesn't look like a hooker. just because I made a few mistakes a while back"

At this point, the whole restaurant is staring and I walk out. I call an uber and wait outside while my sister approaches me.

"Hayla, you always do this, you never give them a chance, you are the reason you have such a terrible relationship with our parents!"

I am in utter disbelief. 

"of course, you would think that. you were pampered our whole lives. never had to argue because you tey always listened to you. you never got yelled at and your feelings were top priority. where did that leave me huh?", I say in a helpless tone. At this point my eyes are sore and my head is pounding.

"you think im the favourite child! do you what I've been through!?!", she counters argues.

"enlighten me please! tell me about how your perfect world of cupcakes of rainbows wasn't as happy as you thought.-" my voice breaks and I whisper," they loved you. They only tolerated me"

"you're just hard to tolerate", she whispers back.

I go silent. My uber arrives and I immediately get in. iI tells the uber driver my location and sits with my thoughts. Am I hard to tolerate? I just feel tired. so exhausted. so sick of this fight that I've been fighting alone for 7 years. No one cared. not when I cried, not when wanted to die. No one.

I arrive at the familiar lavish building and knock at the door. im not sure why im here. why I came to him. but it's what I need right now. 

Im laying on my bed at 1 in the morning when I hear a faint knock on my door. 

Who is knocking this late at night?

I walk over and unlock the door only to be greeted by the last person I would have ever thought would be on the other side. 

Hayla stands with her arm at her side and her mascara running. Her eyes are bloodshot and her chin quivers and she's on the verge of crying. I am so confused.

"Hayla? what are you doing here and why are you cr-", I start but she steps forward and leans her head on my chest with her arms still at her sides. She begins to cry. It takes me a moment to react but as soon as I do, my arms are around her. 

Im not sure how long we stand there but she eventually stops. I close the door and carry her to my room I set her down on my bed and begin to walk out. 

"Alek", she says, her voice breaking," just hold me tonight."

without a word, I head back to my bed and lay down. I bring her close to me and I hold her. I rake my fingers through her hair. I'm not sure what happened to her but I'm not going to push her to talk. Something about seeing her stripped of her confidence really triggers me. I don't even know her all too well but I can tell that it takes a to get her to the state she's at right now.

I am by no means a hero and Hayla doesn't need saving. This is very unusual. seeing her like this tonight makes me realise that I care about this girl. I don't like her, I think, but I care for her.

before I know it I'm asleep too. with her in my arms. I wish it were under different circumstances.