Chenford: One Shot to the Heart

Mistake (republished)

A/N: Hello! Yes, I republished this. I typically wouldn't since it deletes all the comments but there was a discrepancy in one of the paragraphs that I just couldn't get over. Thank you: 

@Simoneieosksmsm

for bringing to my attention. Enjoy! (Sorry, reenjoy if you want, LOL).

Ashley POV

She knew she had made a mistake the moment she found it. Something she should have never found. It lead her to find even more things she knew deep within herself that she was not meant to see.

Ashley, on principle, was not a snoopy person. But when you were in a relationship with someone who kept secrets locked away like they were the key to eternal life, one couldn't help the occasional lapse in judgment. She hadn't meant to snoop. But the opportunity had been, well, opportune.

She had left her make-up bag at his place.

She had held an intense mental debate before even deciding to call him. What if he's not comfortable with me being there without him? What if he doesn't want me to go in? Will I always have to walk on eggshells around him? Will he ever let go? But she called, her final resolution being that he wouldn't break up with her just because she wanted to be in his house without him there.

"Hello? Ashley, is everything okay?"

She sighed, rubbing her forehead. He's always prepared for the worst. "Hey, no, everything is fine. I just left my make-up bag at your place this morning. I was wondering if you'd mind if I dropped by to pick it up? I wasn't sure if you'd be okay with me being there by myself..."

After a brief pause, he said, "No, that's fine. Um, there is a spare key under the porch roof tiling. If you can't reach it, I think there is a stool on the porch you could use. The alarm code is 2-7-0-6-3-5-9. Also, Kojo is kenneled, so you don't have to worry about him."

She smiled past the tightness in his voice. "Thanks, Tim. Appreciate it. Talk to you later?"

"Yes, sure. Bye Ash."

~~~~~

Getting into his house was a workout. But she made it inside, instantly gratified by the cool air that received her. The house felt odd without him in it. She didn't want to push it. So she went to his bedroom to grab the make-up bag she knew she had left on his dresser that morning. The plan was just to grab it, maybe snag a water bottle from his fridge, see if he happened to have any remotely edible snacks, then book it out of there. At least, that had been the plan.

Death to her bloody curiosity.

He had left his closet door open. As if magnetized, she walked right past the dresser and opened the door fully. It was a normal closet. No door to a magical realm hiding behind his color-coded shirt selection (which wasn't very colorful, to begin with). No secret stash of unhealthy snacks. No skeletons. Just a box. An ordinary cardboard box. But she knew better. This was Pandora's box. She wasn't supposed to know of its existence. And she definitely was not supposed to open it.

But she did.

She sat down.

She removed the lid.

There wasn't much. A few photos. Rings. A pair of earrings, a leather bracelet, dog tags. Her mind lurched. She hadn't had any idea Tim had been deployed. It made... sense. Perfect sense, actually. But he hadn't told her. Her fingers instinctively went to the photos. The first was a picture of what must have been him as a young boy with his mom. He looked happy. And absolutely adorable with his hair falling softly around his head. The next was of him, older now, with a group of men all dressed in khaki. Even though he couldn't have been any more than 18 at the time, there was little innocence left behind in the features of his face. But his smile still appeared bright and genuine. The next photo... she wasn't sure what to make of it. It was Tim, closer to the age he was now. He was with a woman. She was beautiful. And blonde. And she looked like her. The photo was like fire on her fingertips. Tim's expression in the photo was indescribable.

She couldn't breathe. She was frozen. Without any presence of consciousness, she found herself fumbling for her phone. She clicked on a name she really had never thought she would call as much as she had.

"Hello?" Lucy's clear tone came through on the other end of the line.

"Hi, Lucy, um..." she wavered, "Are you alone?"

"You mean is Tim with me? No. He's waiting in line for tacos. You probably have fifteen minutes. So what's wrong? Go."

"Well... I'm at his house."

"Ooo... he told me about that."

"He did? What did he say?"

"That he wasn't entirely comfortable with the idea but that he knows he needs to let you in more."

She sighed in relief. Until the present issue returned to her. "Yeah, um... I think I made a huge mistake. Well, I know I made a huge mistake. But I have so many questions and I can't ask Tim without ruining anything. I want to trust that he'll tell me things on his own time but there is so much I don't know it's just so frustrating sometimes."

"What mistake?"

"I went digging through a box in his closet. I know I shouldn't have. But I just get so curious sometimes. And I found some things. But I just found this photo..."

"What is it..." Lucy asked carefully, a million different ideas coming to mind.

"It's him... and another woman. She's gorgeous. And blonde. And she reminds me of me."

"Oh..."

"What?"

"Ashley, that's Tim's ex-wife."

"Please tell me her name wasn't Ashley too."

"Ashley, trust me. Tim is the last person who would have some creepy secret motive in dating you. Her name was Isobel. They... I don't know if I should be telling you this."

"I won't tell Tim."

"Okay. Well, they dated through their rookie year. Then they got married. I think everything was okay until Isobel decided to go undercover. When she came back, things had shifted. She was disappearing late at night and acting weird. He thought she was cheating. That was until he found her passed out in the bathroom with a needle in her arm."

Ashley inhaled sharply.

"She had gotten hooked on drugs," Lucy continued. "It happened undercover. She was trying to maintain it but it backfired. She's clean now though. She's been at a local facility for a while now. Tim has... gotten over it, I guess you could say. He hasn't seen her in a couple of years. What I'm saying is he still loves her. He always will, you know? But not in a hindering way. He's moved on. That doesn't mean he's forgotten her or erased every trace of her existance. But you don't have to worry Ah-Amber."

She giggled, "Tim's there, isn't he."

"Yes. Now, just talk to Jason, okay? I'm hopeful but confident that this was all just a big misunderstanding."

She sighed, "Thank you, Lucy."

"Any time."

I'm being irrational. Tim just has a lot he needs to work on. And I need to be okay with that.

She started filing everything back into the box, careful to put it back the same way. There was one picture that had slipped to the floor after she had seen the one of Isobel. She picked it up, having to catch her breath once again.

It was of him and Lucy. An absolute red flag? Not by any means. But his face held the same light that it had like the one with him and Isobel. Something told her that this was rare.

Even if she didn't know where some of those scars on his back had come from.

Even if she didn't know why he wasn't telling her things.

Even is she didn't know why it was starting to feel so hard to be patient with him.

She knew enough.

This just wasn't going to work. Not because she didn't want it to. Not because Tim didn't want to try and be the best for her that he could. But because his best for her, would never be the best he could be. Not that it was to any fault of his own. But he would never be able to open up to her the way Lucy had gotten him to.

She sighed as she pulled out of the driveway, dreading the conversation she would have to initiate. He would try so hard to convince her. But she had seen too much to realize that she would never be what he needed.

Darn her bloody curiosity.