Chenford: One Shot to the Heart

Tomorrow

"Okay."

It's all he could say. No physical reaction. No verbal outburst. Just a small piece of his heart that chipped off, leaving a raw and exposed portion that hurt like hell.

Lucy was gone. For how long? A long, long time, was all Harper could tell him. Forget what the op was for, who she was going under as, or where she would be. 

He was confused. So blindsided. It felt wrong obviously. She was supposed to ride with him tomorrow. They were supposed to trade playful insults and he'd have to listen to her order a drink that was 98% sugar and then she would argue for the next 45 minutes why it was coffee. Her argument would be crappy and he would think of over 100 different things to say that would shut her down right away. But he wouldn't say them because he had grown used to it. Their flow. It might as well be a marriage. They knew each other's order for every occasion. The way they worked. The way certain things irked them. The little things that let the other know that something was wrong. 

Tomorrow, Friday morning, he'd walk into work and have to pick another gopher. It was the first time he would have to choose yet another gopher in six months. Tomorrow, Friday morning, he'd walk into work and pretend everything was great as usual. Tomorrow, Friday morning, he'd walk into work and have to ignore everyone's look of sympathy. In the past half-year, people around the job had begun to realize just how powerful he and Lucy were together. They became a force no one dared to mess with. It was unusual, how strong their bond was.

Tomorrow, Friday evening, he'd request to put in OT and Grey would deny it. Tomorrow, Friday evening, he'd get down the bottle of whiskey that he rarely touched and begin drinking more than he knew he should but did it anyway since he had Saturday to recover.  Tomorrow, Friday evening, Angela would eventually come barging in using the key she promised to use only for emergencies and cut him off just before he drank too much to cause a temporary blackout, but not till after he was malleable and soft. 

Tomorrow, Friday evening, after forcing down the grilled cheese Angela would make and forcing him to eat, he would empty out his guts to his best friend. He would tell her he feared that she was gone for good. He would say that he knew she could handle herself. But he couldn't trust himself enough. He couldn't believe it because he didn't know what would happen to him if she didn't. He would tell her that he was scared out of his mind. He would tell her that he wanted to trust Lucy, to know that she was not Isabel but he couldn't. And he didn't want to lose her. 

He didn't want to lose the woman he had gone and made the mistake of falling in love with.

But he already had.

Author's unsolicited commentary: Me finding out Ashley is a thing thanks to the very handsome Eric Winter's Facebook page: Shit