Quest for Joy

Chapter 17

"I do. I think I do? But I don't know what is wrong with me. The things you told me that I should feel, I feel nothing. It's like my heart doesn't exist!" Taeyeon frowned as she answered Sunny's question.

She had been puzzled about her condition. Not only she had headaches when she noticed her feelings for Jessica, she can't feel anything inside her heart. So far she only had told Sunny, because she was there for her the longest and probably the only one who would believe her.

"How are you dealing with the headaches?" Sunny continued her questions.

She scratched her head.

Judging from her reaction, Sunny took it as a no, she didn't find a way to deal with them. "I think you should go see a doctor. I have a feeling this might have something to do with how you reacted to your mother's death back then."

"Why do you keep mentioning back then? My head didn't hurt when she died." Taeyeon stated.

"Your mother that brought you up died in front of you, Tae. And you left them as if they were strangers and meant nothing to you. Now when you finally love and feel for someone, your head start hurting and your heart feeling empty. And all those employees you fired on the spot with no remorse. It's like part of your emotions are being locked up or you are stuffing them in. I don't mean to sound naggy after you just helped me, but as a friend, I think you need help and have it checked out or at least try to find some answers. I don't believe that you can be this heartless for no reason."

Taeyeon looked at Sunny like if she is out of her mind. "Sunny, why are you still so worried about this? You have been going on about this for a whole damn year! If you want to keep this up you can stop checking up on me."

The last thing she wants is for more problems than she already have at the company and for herself. And last time when she finally decided to read that letter she got from Mrs. Im it answered nothing, but filled with pointless apologies and snippets of information that led to more questions than answers. She has already found work that pays her more money than she knows what to do with and a girl she love to go home to. What more could she want or risk to ruin this?

"Taeyoon. I am serious. If you are thinking of asking Jessica out, you have to sort out that headache and whatever the reason that's behind it. Or at the very least tell her about it. Getting headaches when you like someone is not normal. What if you do something that hurted Jess and you feel like nothing is wrong? How might she react?? Remember how devasted and hurt Yoona was when you left her?? And to this day you still think you helped her and she was the one being unreasonable." Sunny said, not meaning to sound like she was scolding her, but it ended up like that nonetheless.

"What are you trying to say Sunny? Yoona and her family never wanted me. I never hurted ANYONE! You have seen how they treated me that day, it was a freaking drama show. And Yoona didn't speak up for me ONCE! I thought you are happy that I like Jess, you always wanted me to have someone close to me so I won't be lonely. Tell Jessica what? There is nothing to tell. That problem is not necessary and one that I don't want to explain over and over. How do you suppose I deal with it?"

Sunny lowered her head, not knowing the answer. "I do want you to be happy with Jess! But if Jessica finds out later on down the road, it will be a lot harder to explain."

"She won't find out. I can love her without feeling anything in my heart."

Sunny sighed for the second time, and relented her questioning before she gets into an argument that they won't recover from. She tried to warn Taeyeon, now it's up to her to decided what to do.

After things had calmed down a little, Taeyeon said she will visit the address she saw on the letter that might give her some answers, just so Sunny can feel somewhat at ease and stop her pestering.