pink nights / sally face

fantasizing

the first day of classes was exciting. campus was packed and almost everywhere you looked there were a dozen smiling faces. i didn't normally like crowds but it felt nice to be apart of something so rewarding. it felt like a big celebration of a whole mix of things from celebrating making it this far, being this young, and having so much ahead of us.

it almost didn't even really feel like school. education always felt competitive, like an opposing teammate. here though, it felt like my education was on my side.

that night i met ash for dinner and we talked about the first day together. ash didn't feel the same as i did about her classes but she was excited for the parties on campus to start. we at least shared a mutual anticipation for a wild social scene. if it was anything like hanging out with ash, sal, and larry, i was down for it all.

ash let me in on the secrets of frat parties and house shows. i felt thankful for having her help navigating campus life. because although i was excited, i definitely wouldn't be as pumped as i was without ash. her companionship brought out a better side of me. the side that lives out the life i normally only dream of.

among the first day chatter, i wondered if i should tell her about sal. with ash and larry asleep, neither sal or i had said anything that day we left larry's apartment. i hadn't talked to him since so i wasn't sure if he had said anything to larry. i figured if he'd said something to ash, she definitely would've told me. i decided it wasn't a big deal, sal and i hanging out. and even if it was, it was a thing between us and there was no obligation to let anyone know about it.

thinking about that day made my stomach flip. i still couldn't wrap my head around everything that was going on inside me. my feelings were all tangled up and unrecognizable. i felt good because i was getting closer to sal but on the other hand, i felt bad too. i felt bad for a lot of different reasons actually. i felt bad because i wondered if things were moving too fast and i felt bad because i might be crushing on ash's best friend. my stomach flipped so hard i was worried i'd get sick if i thought about it too hard but i could feel was there something there with sal. i just couldn't tell what it was yet.