pink nights / sally face

bowling w the group

author's note rq

hii, this is long chapter. hopefully that's okay! i feel like the chapters lately have been kind of short and uneventful sooo i'm trying to fix that. i just don't want to overcompensate and bore you guys. </3 anyway, enjoy. :)

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i eventually had to start my project. honestly the last time i thought about it was when i met sal in the library. i felt solid with my basis but getting the work done was a different story.

how do intense emotions affect rational thinking? i almost felt like i didn't even need to do any outside research. that had been my life for the past month.

for starters- intense emotions can cause insecurity and insecurity can cause doubt, leaving you unsure of every decision you make. not even to mention the added anxiety that uncertainty ensues which only worsens your self confidence. insecure and confused, rational thinking seems impossible when you don't trust your own perspective. is that too biased?

i felt defeated. i was so excited to be here and i was even more excited when i met ash. i felt like i was self sabotaging. i couldn't meet in the middle. i would isolate myself in high school and now in college i was nearly socially inept.

what kind of freak starts fantasizing about romance  immediately after meeting someone? especially when that someone is your new friend's BEST FRIEND. even worse, what kind of psycho does that twice?! with BOTH of your new friend's best friends who are ALSO best friends.

was i really this lonely? this desperate?

maybe i should choose a different topic for this paper. this one seems like too much for me.

i shut my laptop and flopped down in bed with my phone. "one new text message."

sal: still down for bowling? :)

if i could get out of my head and enjoy this, then yes, i am down for bowling. was i capable of that? maybe. hopefully! i had to be, i wasn't passing this up.

i responded, "yes! of course :)"

sal: great! everyone's gonna be there, even todd and his bf. you'll like him tho, he's super nice. it'll be fun :) ash is already over here with larry and me, you want me to pick u up? we're waiting for todd rn

me: yeah sure, i'm gonna get ready but i'll be done when u get here :)

i set my phone down on my desk and picked out an outfit suitable for bowling.

(muahaha the ref pics are back >:D )

every time i got dressed i felt this slight pressure to impress sal and his friends. they were much cooler than anyone back home.