pink nights / sally face

snowfall

the last day of finals week was harder than it needed to be. because actually, my exam was fine, it was the anxiety of going home that was eating at me.

"hey," ash nudged me. "what's up?"

i met her eyes beaming at me. "eh, ya know ... just sad the semester is over." the way she nodded told me she understood.  "i'm sorry, i don't wanna complain. we should have fun tonight."

"well i'm always in the mood to have fun but you know, if you're not feeling up to it you don't have to force yourself." she rested her hand on top of mine.

since both ash and i had our exams in the morning, it was only 3 pm and we still had the whole day to enjoy. i really couldn't bring myself to wallow in misery when tonight was perfectly ripe for the taking.

i sighed, creating a cloud in the cold air. "maybe larry and sal will be down to do something."

"y/n, you know they're always down." she smiled at me softly and stood up from the bench before holding her gloved hand out to me, "you wanna go get coffee or something?"

larry's pov

me: hey, when are u gonna be done w exams?

sal: maybe in like two hours ... if i don't totally bomb it

me: ash asked me if we'd wanna hang out tonight

me: y/n too

sal: LOL oh yeah for sure no doubt

me: ok, maybe after your exam would you wanna head to my place??

sal: sounds good, i'll see you then :]

i opened up ash's message again. "yayyy!!! can't wait to hang cuz i'm sooo dead after finals, need some fun :)"

i let out a long sigh, "holy fuck." every time ash texted me i could feel my heart skip. even worse, i was getting into the habit of rereading her messages. i hadn't been this lovesick since first meeting ash. she was the first friend i had made after my dad left. i remember meeting her in 6th grade art class. her hair was longer then. i was awkward and i felt like an outsider with everything going on at home. but she looked at me with kind eyes full of enthusiasm. i can still remember her lips pulling a smile as she asked me how i drew a tiger so well. "is that your favorite animal? that's mine too!"

of course when sal moved into town, i fell back. i knew she didn't feel the same way about me and with sal added into the equation, i was too out of place. recently though, with sal and y/n hooking up, i started to feel like maybe i wasn't too out of place anymore. i mean, when they decided to leave a party early, it meant it was just ash and i to ourselves ... and it was starting to become almost impossible to stop those repressed feelings from eating me up. but as much as i wished i didn't have feelings, i couldn't ignore the world out of self pity.

i threw my phone onto the couch and forced myself to straighten up. with everyone busy 24/7 this week, i was left to my own devices. which meant when i wasn't working, i was wasting away in my apartment. tired and sad, i started sleeping in the living room so i could play video games until i knocked out. no one needed to know that though, so i folded blankets and tossed my pillows back into my room. fuck ... my room. i had been getting dressed and undressed for a week straight without any discipline. the contents of my entire closet were scattered across my bedroom floor and i just couldn't be too sure that no one would be in my room. so again i assumed some accountability and put away my shit. i just had to remind myself that if i didn't do it now, sal would see it and worry about me. and i'm fine now, i don't need to worry anyone.