SECRET LOVE NEST '22

For No Reason pt2

DaLin: Its my fault. We drank that night with our friends before sending Dayu gege and Qing ge back to Beijing. I got drunk. Alcohol is bad for pregnant women...

Xiao: No! Its not fault. None of it. Babe, please...don't think like that.

DaLin: (sobbing) I'm sorry I lost our baby...

Xiao: (holding DaLin's hand in both of his) Its not your fault. Please...

DaLin: Then why did I lose our baby? Why?

Xiao: (tears falling on his face as well) I don't know. All I know is that its not your fault. You didn't know. I didn't know. Do you really need someone to blame for what happened? Please, don't do that.

DaLin cried louder. Xiao got up the chair to hug her. The two of them cried together. I held Meng's hand to keep him from rushing there to comfort his sister and our friend.

My mind was full of thoughts too as I witness my bestfriend and the woman he loves grieve together. Was it really alcohol that prompted the miscarriage? If so, what responsibility do I hold in this matter because Qing and I were the reason why we had that dinner party last weekend with all our friends? Thats when DaLin drank some alcohol. Heck, almost all of us had alcohol that night.

It is my fault...why DaLin and Xiao lost their baby?

I shook my head immediately to dispel that thought. I shouldn't make this about myself when its clearly about my friends. And Xiao was right. Do we really need to blame someone or something for what happened? Its already hard as it is without us throwing blames around.

But then again, when a person experienced lost, they couldn't help but look for something or someone to blame for that lost. Thats human nature. Thats part of the grieving process. I think thats stage two. Stage one is denial, if I am not mistaken.

Once the maelstorm of emotions subsided a bit, Xiao gently wiped DaLin's tears.

Xiao: No one is to blame for what happened. Not you. Most especially not you. The doctors will be here and they will explain to us what happened. But I know, in my heart, its not our fault why it happened. Please, don't burden your heart with more pain.

DaLin nodded. She slowly panned her head and eyes and finally saw us. Her face contorted in pain again.

DaLin: (heaving voice) W-why are you h-here? You two...

Meng: (coming close to the bed) Where will we be? We are where we should be. You followed us around when we were young, its time for us to follow you around this time.

I came close to stand next to Meng.

Me: He's right. If you think it was just the three of us growing up together before, think again. You grew up with us as well. We're here because this is where we are supposed to be.

DaLin: (sniffing) I don't know what to do now. (sobbing louder) I don't know what to do.

Meng: Then stay still. (eyes shining with tears as he bent a little to press his forehead against DaLin's) Stay here and rest. Don't force yourself to do anything. You can stay still. We will stay here with you.

I sat on the edge of the bed, close to her leg. I nodded to her.

Me: We are not going anywhere. We can all stay still and not do anything. Forget about the others outside this room. If you need the world to stop so you can breathe, we will stop it with you.

DaLin and Xiao experienced lost. They probably want everything to stop so they can analyze what happened and their feelings about it. As I always said, the world is unfair that way. It won't stop revolving just because you are grieving. But for DaLin and Xiao, this hospital room could stay still until they are ready to move on with the world again.