SECRET LOVE NEST '22

Certificate

Qing and I had our last session with the marriage counselor yesterday and they gave us the certificate as proof that we went through marriage counseling as part of our endeavor to be married.

The certificate is not part of the requirements we need to be married, we can say our I dos without it, but its a plus. These sessions with the marriage counselor and the certificate they awarded to us are proofs that Qing and I had thorough discussions on what marriage meant for us and what expectations we have about it as well as what types of adjustments we will allow ourselves to do to make this marriage work.

The sessions are over but I know things will get more interesting as time goes. Besides, wedding is just the beginning for us.

We did it. And now we have a certificate.

From all the conversations we had with the marriage counselor, one thing that stood out for me was when Qing said that he is becoming more patient with me when he thinks about the fact that I am the person he will be marrying.

Qing: I used to nitpick before.

Me: (surprised) You did?

Qing: Yeah.

Me: How? You never showed me before that you nitpick on me. I thought I was the nitpicky one.

Qing: (nodded) You are. But I nitpick too. I don't usually tell you when I see things I don't like or I find discomforting that you do but I do have those and sometimes they stack up until I just rage at you.

I frowned as I think about that revelation of his. Thinking back at the times he truly got mad at me.

Me: You rarely rage at me. You lecture me plenty enough when I am slacking or putting myself down but you barely raged at me. Or get angry because of what I did.

Qing: (shrugging) Like I said, I let them stack up.

MC: You think that is healthy? Letting it all pile up until you exploded?

Qing: I don't think its healthy. Thats why I learned to be more patient about Dayu and his habits.

Me: (suddenly worried) Is it also healthy to be overlooking annoying stuffs because you love me?

Qing: (shrugging) I'm not sure. All I know is that if I let every little annoying thing you do get under my skin, I will die early.

The marriage counselor and I gaped at Qing at what he said.

Me: (flabbergasted) Are they many? Do I have lots of annoying habits?

Qing: (contemplative) No. I think they are not that many anymore.

I was stunned. Our marrige counselor chuckled. I scowled at them. They had the grace to look chargrin.

MC: I'm sorry. (looking at Qing) You mean, they are not many anymore because you got accustomed to most of them. Or it lessen because you can now overlook most of them and what you found annoying before doesn't seem that bad anymore.

Qing: Most likely the second part, yes. But also, I think I learned to choose my battles. I think thats the term married couples use, right?

MC: Yes. Learning to choose your battles is a vital concept but most of us in the marriage counseling business think the concept and term is outdated in the least. At most, its toxic.

Qing and I tuned in to their words.

MC: Learning to choose your battles is a method that may seem effective on the surface but deeper...its just a form of escape. A way to avoid conflict between you and your spouse, but also...it prevents a couple from discussing something that could be fundamentally important to their relationship.