Cole

My Body

It was so hot!  I had not had a drink in so long.  Running on sand was difficult enough as it was hard to get traction.  We were told by the Mullah that we needed to run 20 miles in this heat, carrying a load on our back.  There were about 30 of us.  Some of them were way ahead of me and some were behind.  There was one near me that was breathing hard.  He was about my age, a young adolescent, with dark skin, brown eyes and curly hair.  I was not like him.  I had light skin.  He said something to me and pointed at my feet but I could not understand his language.  He laughed.  I looked at my feet and they were bleeding and painful.  His feet were bleeding too.  We were both wearing some kind of sandals.

My mind did not dwell here.  I then thought of something else.  I had an Ak-47 assault rifle in my hand and was aiming at silhouette targets of people’s bodies.  I pulled the trigger greedily and there were huge kick backs to my shoulder as bullets flew out of the gun.  The sound hurt my ears but I did not care.  A dark skinned man with a beard wearing a robe ran up to me and smacked me hard on the head.  He wore belts of bullets from his shoulders to his waist.  

“You bastard!  Your wasting bullets!”, he cried in broken English, and hit me again.  “Aim careful. Move trigger slow!”  He grabbed my gun and aimed at the target and squeezed out a few rounds that obviously hit the target and started to shred it.  He laughed and did it again.  

“It is most satisfying”, he said. “Allah will bless you”.  “You do”

He threw the heavy gun at me which hit me in the head and cut my face.

“You do”

I grabbed the gun and raised it up.  My head was aching.  I aimed and did what he said.  It seemed to be fun to shoot, but I hated that guy.

Things started swirling in my head and my mind shifted again.  I was again holding my gun, but this time it was with its tip at someone’s head that was kneeling on the ground.  I could not see the person as the head was covered.  

“You kill now.  Its time to grow up”  

I held the gun but was shaking.  Part of me wanted to do it and part of me did not.  I felt pee running down my leg.  Adrenaline hit my veins.  My heart was pumping and I was breathing hard.  I wanted to scream and started to.

Suddenly I woke up still screaming.   It had been a horrible nightmare.  I was breathing rapidly and my heart was racing like it would leave my chest.  Sweat poured from my body and my bed sheets were wet.  Where am I I thought.  Everything was dark. 

God, what a horrible thing I was dreaming.  It was similar to the dream I had before doing some kind of Jihad.  It seemed so real, but also so far away.  

I lay in bed and just listened.  I find myself in a room.  Is this in the desert someplace, with sand everywhere outside as I saw in my dream?  I heard air conditioning coming on and off.  I did not feel pain in my feet, but I did feel pain on my head.  That must be where the gun hit me.  I need some light.

Wait, that does not make any sense.  I just realized I had an encounter with my father earlier.  He talked of a rock climbing accident and going to school.  There was also lots of weight lifting nautilus equipment.  I can’t be in the desert.