Cole

Disclosure

It was now time to tell Manda the full truth that I was a neurosynth. I dreaded this moment, but the neurosynth team probably already thought she knew anyway, and I had little reason to delay. I was also under pressure to finally be truthful to my girlfriend. The problem was that Manda did not know anything in the slightest and this could not last. This situation was all my fault, but I had kept delaying because I was scared she would reject me. Rejection might mean she would leave me and go to Rick. That would devastate me. I cared far more for her than the neurosynth project. She was that important, but I had to tell her now and roll the dice. I could not live a "lie" anymore.

I decided the best way to tell her was to ride home with her on the bus after school, and get off at her stop. I would then just spend a private moment with her at her house, somehow, and let her know.

When the day finally arrived for me to do it I told her so on the bus. I found her wearing jean shorts and a white sleeveless character T-shirt with a picture of a Lego man on it. She looked kinda geeky that day, but God she was gorgeous. The bus was really noisy that day making it harder for me. Kids were getting excited as the school year was nearing the end and finals were about to start. I told her I wanted to tell her something that was important and I wanted to do it at her house. This whole discussion made me nervous and she could tell something was up.

"Manda, I need to tell you something really important today, okay? I want to do it at your house after school so I plan to ride home with you on the bus, okay?", I said looking at her, but having some trouble making eye contact with her.

"Is there something wrong? Does that have anything to do with the death of your mom?", she asked. "Your not breaking up with me again?"

"No, Manda, I am not breaking up with you, but you need to know some things that I have never told you about myself."

For the longest time Manda did not say anything and we sat in silence. Then she finally spoke softly.

"Is this related to those awful things you said about yourself when you tried to break up with me?"

"Kinda. I love you with all my heart, Manda, but you need to know things about me. I don't think its right to keep secrets from you, but I'm not breaking up with you."

"You have been keeping secrets from me about yourself?", she asked looking into my eyes.

My eyes began to tear up a bit and she noticed and looked a bit surprised. Here was this huge guy that looked like he was about to cry.

"Yeah, but I love you so this is hard for me."

"Your going to tell me bad stuff?"

"Its things I learned about myself since losing my memory. Remember when I first met you I did not know much about myself because I had this climbing accident and lost my memory? That climbing accident story that my parents gave me turned out to be not true. Now I know what happened to me. I guess some of it is bad, but some people might not think of it as bad. I just don't know what you might think of it. Most of it you will find hard to believe. I just can't keep it from you anymore, that's all."

"Cole you are sounding really strange."

"Oh yeah, its really strange. I will give you that," I said and gave her a half smile. She looked me in the eyes with a puzzled look and a little bit of a smile.

"Oh, I guess, okay. Maybe you can have supper at my house too." Manda finally said, but she looked a little worried too.

"Maybe.... if you'll still want me after I tell you."

She did not say anything in return for my last statement, which made me worry even more, but she did turn her face and give me an odd look. I was sure I made her worried too.