Cole

The Secret of the Neurosynths

For a moment I could not speak. 'Was this some kind of joke?', I wondered.  I was only 15 years old, and Dr. Mos was 72. I did have some weird dreams about working in a hospital with patients, but nothing like what Thorne had presented. I also had no memory of going to college.

"Cole, I think you look confused," said Thorne.

"Yeah, you can say that!  I'm also freaked out!  I may have a few wacky dreams of working in a hospital from time to time but nothing like you showed. Actually, what I think about most is my girlfriend.  I really don't think about much of what you talked about at all."

Thorne smiled at me broadly.

"That's wonderful, Cole. I'm glad you have a girlfriend. Dr. Mos always wished he had spent more time with girls growing up. He never really had a girlfriend and always regretted it.  For years he's always told me about this cute girl with dirty blonde hair that he liked that had a crush on him in grade school, and on into high school but he ignored her so he could concentrate on his studies.  He regretted that."

"Huh?", I asked. This seemed like a creepy joke.

What does this now mean?' I wondered. 'Was my attraction to Manda not my attraction but instead that of a 72 year old creepy guy that had regrets from 60 years ago!?  Were my feelings not my own feelings towards Manda but rather Dr. Mos's feelings!?  How do I know which feelings are my feelings and which are Mos's feelings?'  I felt horrible and sick to my stomach. My eyes began to tear up. Manda was everything to me, but maybe I'm not me. My world was crashing down.

Thorne was far enough away from me that he probably could not see how hurt I was.

"Hmmm, well, Cole, the memories and learnings of Dr. Mos are in you and as time goes by they will get stronger and more memories will appear."

"What if I don't want his memories or his life. I don't care about him. I don't know him."

Thorne didn't say anything but just looked at me.

My heart was now racing. I thought my blood pressure had shot off the charts. The room was quiet for a while. I had to say something.

"How did you get his memories into me?  Urrhh, Can you erase them?", I said softly and with obvious weakness.   "Maybe I don't want them. You talk like you did some kind of brain transfer or something."

"Yes, precisely", said Thorne proudly.

"Huh? I wasn't being serious", I said.

"I was", said Thorne. "But it's not like you think. We didn't transfer all of Mos's brain into your head. We only transferred part of it. Transferring all of it was determined to be too risky and unnecessary. Maybe some day we can do that but not now. In any case, this was Dr. Mos's decision, your decision, to do it this way."

I was getting rapidly to the point where I might need to use a restroom.

"This is insane. You are crazy. I have no memory of making that decision.  Anyway, what you are saying isn't possible.  I think I should leave."

"Cole, calm down.  It will all be explained.  Its not crazy.  Many of Mos's memories of things he has learned and know will be weak to you now, but they will get stronger and begin to appear more as time goes on and your understanding of all this will get clearer by itself.  You will be okay. There is nothing to fear. All of your new memories since your operation as Cole will also remain intact. You are not going to lose or forget anything.  All that will happen is these other old Mos memories will start to become added to the new memories that you have."

My arm pits were sweating out my shirt and I wanted to escape this bad dream.  I felt fear from my head, down through my heart and into my arms and legs and I was starting to shake a little.  Adrenaline was flowing strong.   I wanted to run but had I had no place to go.  I started to hyperventilate.