Cole

Lance, Again

The next day I was not sure what to do.  Was I supposed to sit with Manda on the bus or not?  I was not sure what to do but, when I did get on the bus I sat next to her anyway.  Sitting there was painful because she did not even look at me.  She read a book. I felt horrible but I did not want to leave her either. The whole situation was crap. I hated it.

During the school day girls from every direction were flirting with me, but I did not like it.  It reminded me of my second time at the beach when the bikini girls were harassing me.  I was not cheerful and I was not smiling.  During study hall and lunch period I saw Manda across from me on the other table, but she never looked at me.  Sometimes she would flash smiles at other guys and girls but never at me. 

I was worried that some other guy would steal her. She and I both became known to the rest of the school after the fight at Lance's house. Prior to that we were both unknowns, but Manda was a gorgeous girl, and I was sure other guys noticed her.  Normally I would chase away any guy that would be after my girl, but now I wasn't sure if she was my girl anymore.  I wondered: should I just ignore guys that flirt with her?  If she wasn't with me anymore should I then let her go with another boyfriend?  I thought that that would be the proper thing to do, even though I still desperately wanted her.  I was so depressed.

This went on for days.  Lenny could tell I was upset.  I found Kim in the hallway once and she noticed I was down too. I told her Manda had a melt down with me and Kim was sympathetic, but said there really wasn't anything she could do.  In fact, she told me that Manda may in fact be now out of my life, which scared me to death. She had done that to other people, and you wouldn't know where you stood. However, she begged me to stick with her if she did come back.  She didn't want me to get mad and dump her like so many others did.  She said that Manda is just super sensitive and if you really want her in your life you just have to cut her some slack even though she would never cut any for you.  She also reminded me that I was her first boyfriend, so I got farther than anyone else before me.

At night I use to have many dreams about her and her funny cute laugh, her holy moly, her fascinating interests, and her gorgeous sensuous body.  Many of my dreams were wet dreams I wanted her so badly, but these dreams were increasingly replaced by horrible dreams of jihad where I was carting around body parts and putting them in graves.  I also had an increasing number of dreams where I was sitting in some kind of biology lab running boring tests.  I could not see any connection between these dreams and my life, and I hated any dream that did not include Amanda.  My favorite dreams were those where I was having fun with Amanda or making love to her, but these dreams were fading.

More than a week went by and nothing changed with Amanda, though I still sat with her on the bus.  I was thinking more and more about Lance and I decided I needed to talk to him.  I was not sure why I felt that way except that there needed to be some kind of closure to what happened at his party.  He had opened up to me about his personal life and it just felt weird that the next thing I did to him was slug the crap out of him.  Of course I had to save Amanda so I was forced to do what I did, but there seemed to be something missing.  Lance had not been to school.  He was still at home recovering.  I wondered if he knew that the girl I rescued from the rape did not even talk to me anymore.

I decided to ride over to Lance's house after school on my bike.  I was very nervous about the visit because I knew people at this house would hate me.  I was not even sure if Lance would talk to me, but I sucked it up and tried the visit anyway.

When I rang the doorbell and the door opened a boy of about eight years of age answered it.  I introduced myself and he developed a very sour look on his face and yelled out, "Mom and Dad, the A-hole Cole is at the door!"  I heard some comments inside that nobody wanted to talk to me and that I was a bad kid that should be in jail, but then something happened and I heard Lance's voice speaking.  There was a long pause where it sounded like an argument was going on in the background.  Suddenly the boy said that Lance wanted to talk to me and let me in.  He led me to Lance's bedroom.