Cole

Stressed Out

I was not ready to bring Manda to the meeting. I still had not told her I was a neurosynth. I was afraid to, but I knew I was running out of time. I guessed at some point I would just have to trust her. The funny thing was, I trusted Manda more than anyone else in my life, including my dad. She was the one that was keeping me going, and giving me purpose, but I was afraid to tell her. I needed to get over that and just lay it on the line.

It wasn't just that she needed to know, but it was also that I needed her help. I needed her to hypnotize me to try to find out where I could find the Neurosyn hormone. That memory had not come back. I did not want anyone else to know about it, including my dad. If people knew about neurosyn I might lose control of the neurosynth project. and I knew Thorne was drooling to get his hands on it.

I wasn't sure my dad really understood what Jill went through leading to her death, but I knew because I felt it that one time; I experienced a blank out and knew exactly what it did to the body. Not only was Jill hyper sexual, but she was addicted to that blank out feeling. I could easily see how it could become addictive. I remembered after I had that one experience there was a time that I desperately wanted to feel that again, and that was when I went "crazy" having tons of sex with Jill trying to get it to happen again, but it didn't. I still want it, but time is healing me. Blank outs are an amazing out of body orgasmic experience, but I felt guilty and wanted to get back with Manda. Once I stopped having relations with Jill she must have been desperate to get blank outs and went with the guys on the beach for that; for some odd reason she was unable to achieve that with her husband even though she loved him. The whole thing became a dangerous addiction for her.

The next few days were sad. Dad and I dealt with the funeral, and it had to be done quick. We did not want the body to remain for examination because of its modified brain, so it was cremated. Manda called me and offered to come to the funeral. I told her, thanks, but no thanks. We really didn't have a funeral. We just sprinkled the ashes in the ocean and on the land. Jill loved Hawaii.

I also could not help but think of Rick and what he was doing with Manda while I was out of school tending to Jill. This added to my stress. Rick became part of Manda's English class. I wondered if Rick was maneuvering himself to do some school projects with her. I was anxious to get back to school to see what was happening. I was a jealous guy. I knew that, but could not help it. I felt vulnerable. I still could not understand why Manda even wanted to be my girlfriend. She was way better than me.

A date was set for the next neurosynth project meeting. It was an emergency meeting so it would be in just a few days. I was going to let people know that I was in charge, that Manda and Dr. Rolf Metz were now part of the project team, that hyper sexuality killed Jill, and that I still didn't know how to make more Neurosyn hormone, so we still could not make any more neurosynths. With Jill gone now, we needed to make more soon. The project looked pretty weak with just one neurosynth, me. I needed that memory of where I hid the neurosyn to come back into my head. Hopefully that memory was not located in a part of the brain that was damaged by the surgery.

I was also a bit pissed off at Thorne. The brain scans showed that my brain was a bit messed up and damaged. Thorne did not do as good a job in assembling my brain as I had done with the assembly of Jill's brain. I had trusted Thorne to do it right, but there were some definite inactive brain portions of the neocortex from some stupid handling on his part. It was no wonder that it took a while for my brain to "wake up" compared to Jill's brain.

I returned to school the next day, sitting next to Manda on the bus. She was a gorgeous as ever in my favorite yellow short shorts, white layered sleeveless top and her sparkling silver necklace with silver charms her uncle had been giving her representing the creatures of the ocean. It looked like some new charms were added.